Between a C--k and a Hard Place

It was revealed today that Nevada Senator and the Mountain West's heterosexual playboy John Ensign's parents paid off the woman he was sleeping with. This sum ($96,000) is in addition to her pay doubling, as she served as his Senate Office's Executive-level prostate tickler, and while his mistress' barely pubescent son was given a consultant job at the National Republican Senatorial Committee.

Normally, the Democrats would have two routes. 1) Scream and yell and demand his resignation or 2) As Harball's Democratic "analyst" on this issue just spouted, Sit back and watch the Hindenberg fall. Neither is actually feasible for them. Like all good Americans, Democrats want to stand up and demand that a family values Republican adulterer be thrown in the pit of flames and banished from the political world. He should be cast from the legions of purity that march the streets of Washington to their House on the Hill. His political soul should be banished to the firey hell of political obscurity where (no Democrats because their misdeeds are always long forgotten) evil Republicans like Larry "foot tapper" Craig, David "will $20 cover it" Vitter, and Mark "Really?" Sanford all reside. It is Beelzebub's bordello from which the lure brings you through the door and the damnation never lets you out.

However, Democrats can't demand it because the alternative is horrifying and politically stupid. If Ensign were to resign, the Republican Governor of Nevada, Jim Gibbons, would be allowed to appoint his interim-successor. Meanwhile, Ensign and his vaginal fluid dousing rod will disappear from voters' memory. Democrats may not be able to use him as an effective punching bag. Worse however, is that a Nevada politician exists who is far worse than John Ensign---and it's Governor Gibbons. In his short stint in politics, Gibbons has been accused of bribery, kickbacks to mining companies, employing illegal workers, sexual assault, criminal interference, and other fun crimes. His wife left him and he is spinning wildly out of control, a la Illinois' Blago, just with substantially more disgusting charges. So, Democrats really need Ensign to keep on truckin' and, where possible, keep on fu--in'.

~Ginger