CPAC, See Pac Run

This week, the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) held its annual summit. This meeting is a unique social experience. It combines people who spew society-wide hatred, blind support for their leaders (though this is not unique to conservatives), and an existence in an alternative universe.

In that universe, the Republican Party holds a majority in Congress and the Presidency, God has returned to Earth to amend the Constitution to outlaw abortion and record keeping of gun ownership. Everyone is white and Protestant and their infidelities with other women and children are acceptable. In this Republican fantasyland, only 3% of the population can afford health insurance, which is no worry because major illness was eliminated with gays and minorities. Most importantly, in this world conservatives MATTER!

This convention was a clearinghouse for old, white men to discuss political ideas that were relevant 30 years ago. Sad, pathetic have-beens were riled to action by an unlicensed plumber, an overweight pill addict, and an indicted former exterminator. This menagerie of misguidance drew as much public interest as a New Radicals Reunion Tour--the only difference is that the Reunion Tour would attract members of the 18-25 year old demographic.

Despite all this, I'm looking forward to next year's convention where I hear they will debate whether the world is flat and hold a roundtable on the best way to transform quartz into gold. If interested, admission will be $17,500 and is only open to heterosexual males with the correct ridges in their skulls.

-Ginger