Byrdened by Power

United States Senator Robert Byrd criticized the Obama administration this week for a supposed policy power grab. Byrd, who was denied service in the Civil War because of his advanced age, argued that Obama’s move to institute policy czars amounted to the transfer of power from Congress to the Executive. (My guess is that Byrd is against czars based on personal experience, as his own life began during the Russian Revolution [literally].)

Byrd’s irritation with the President is really an argument over institutional power. The President wants to streamline the process (as most presidents euphemistically do). In addition, Obama has likely considered the melting pot of horrors that is the membership of the United States Senate and would rather trust the creation of important policy to his yet unfinished cabinet rather than to the yet unfinished Senate.

Why you may ask?

Here is a run down of some of the Senate’s superstar committee chairman and some of their finest accomplishments:

Robert Byrd (formerly chairman of Appropriations): He lost his chairmanship because the Majority Leader wanted it filled by someone younger, and chose the spry and chipper, 85 year old Daniel Inouye (HI). Byrd’s highlights include KKK membership and bilking the American taxpayer so a shithole like West Virginia can have an infrastructure that rivals the Jetsons.

Joseph Lieberman (CT-Homeland Security): Droopy Dog with an Iraq War cheerleader’s uniform on, Lieberman labeled Obama a socialist, while changing the battery out on John McCain’s campaign trail Power Scooter.

Carl Levin (MI-Armed Services): A true leader and huge supporter of his home town auto industry. If policy from the Senate will be anywhere near as successful as the productive capacity of General Motors, start hoarding your canned goods and oil lamps now.

Tom Harkin (IA-Agriculture): Tom has ensured that multi-billion dollar corn conglomerates owned by General Mills and Kellogg Corp. get billions of dollars in farm subsidies every year, just to ensure that they can cut it in the struggling agro-grain sector of the American economy. Remember: agriculture conglomerates need all of our help to get by, but if you’re a queer don’t you dare think of getting married…Work on a farm for six months it’ll put some hair on your perfectly waxed chest.

Mary Landrieu (LA-Small Business): The GOP’s second favorite Democrat. Landrieu is like an ugly girl at a frat party. She’s typically wearing clothes from 10 or 15 years ago and if you wave a little money in front of her or if Mitch McConnell whispers “I Love You” into her ear, she will do anything for you…ANYTHING. Her vote-casting sluttiness would make a Mardi Gras prostitute in the early stages of meth withdrawal blush.

-Ginger