Freaky Friday

Here's an idea, just for funsies. Let's switch MLB baseball pariah Jim Joyce (of blown perfect game fame) with British Petroleum CEO Tony Hayward. I think the results would have positive benefits all around. Here is how it would go down:

Joyce takes the helm at BP. His first order of business is watching a replay of the oil rig disaster (even tho it supposedly doesn't exist). He mans up and immediately flies to Louisiana to apologize to the families, the fishermen, and the pelicans. He offers to pay for the clean up and the other ecological, economic, and social effects of this disaster. Cut to Joyce in hipwaders with a bucket full of Dawn dish soap and an armful of wildlife, all while tearfully admitting his own failures. For dramatic effect, Haley Barbour should resign the office of Governor of Mississippi (for 201 other reasons) and Mississippians elect Detroit Tigers skipper Jim Leyland to replace him. Jim can stand on the beach berating him, kicking sand in his eyes, throwing his hat down on the beach, purging from his lips the collective anger of all Americans.

Cut to Tropicana Field in Tampa Bay. Newly-minted American League umpire Tony "Limey" Hayward, takes the field to call the game. B.J. Upton leads off for the Rays and crushes a homerun to dead center field. Hayward declares it a triple play and the inning ends. Rays manager, Joe Maddon, charges out of the dugout, like Jeffrey Dahmer's bus just stopped at the Donner Party Reunion. and explodes with rage. Hayward explains that his call was solid and in reality, it was Upton's fault for the triple play. Had he never come to bat, none of this would have happened. As Maddon's heart rate approaches 395, he explains no one was on base and a triple play would be impossible, not to mention the homerun. Hayward points out that actually 28 people were on base, it was the fault of all of them, and really, the ball was never really hit. When the manager asks for a replay, the Limey explains the cameras on field are not recording and there's no record of what happened. At this point the 1,200 fans attending the Rays game form a mob and everyone goes home with a little British souvenir from America's game---an ear here, a femur there.

And America lives happily ever after.

~Ginger