Change with a Side of Texas Toast.

Well, my Spanish is a little rusty, but here goes nothing. Si, se puede culpar al presidente Clinton, tambien.

Thank God the Bush Administration is over. Remember those days. Whenever a scandal or a problem arose it was always the fault of pantsless Bill Clinton and his pants-wearing wife. Recession? Clinton's social programs. Katrina? Clinton's Army Corps of Engineers. September 11th? Clinton's intelligence failures. Bush's 1970s coke marathon? Clinton?? Laura Bush's killing of a high school classmate? Bill had to be part of that, too...like a precursor to Whitewater or Vince Foster or something...

Anyways, thank God we have a Democratic president now who owns up to his own problems, scandals, and failures. But wait, what's this? Oh, yes, Obama's first real personnel scandal, and it must be someone else's fault. Our President, an individual who is self-annointed to be our Savior above the fray of politics as usual, refuses to own up to his own screw up. Instead, he resorts to blaming everyone's favorite punching bag Bill Clinton.

Here is the set up: incumbent Pennsylvania Republican Senator Arlen "back and to the left" Specter reads the tea leaves, switches parties and runs for reelection. A real Democrat, Joe Sestak, challenges him in the primary. The party loses it a little bit. Along the way, Sestak claims the White House offered him a position in the Defense Department in exchange for his dropping out of the primary and letting a Republicrat (read: douche) coast to the general election. Sestak tells this to the press and the President has no idea what to do.

When most people are in a position where they are unsure how to act, they fall back on what is comfortable and familiar, and what they're good at. The great Obama did just that: he maneuvered politically in a manner that echoes the Bush Administration, blaming Bill Clinton.

Hey, maybe Clinton did have a little something to do with this, and I'll be eating my words. But you know what Obama, man the hell up. You're in the big leagues now, and it's time you took blame for SOMETHING.

~Ginger

Tuesday's Liveblog Event! Now Monday!

On Tuesday, the US Senate Judiciary Committee will be holding its first day of confirmation hearings for Supreme Court Nominee Sonia Sotomayor. It should be fun as Democrats hold her up to be the most flawless jurist in the history of law. Meanwhile, Republicans will likely label her a racist, and extremist and a woman who will (insert veiled racial slur).

In honor of this day, Ginger and Slim will be liveblogging throughout the day. So, if you're looking for some information and hopefully a good laugh, visit our website throughout the day to get updates on how President Obama's first High Court nominee is faring. Tomorrow or Monday, Ginger will post a "What to Watch for Guide."

~Ginger and Slim

World's Smallest Fraternity Protects Own

Anyone who has been on a college campus knows the pomp and tradition associated with greek life. Fraternities and sororities have secret handshakes and chants, often live in exclusive housing, wear their letters across their chest, and most importantly, vow to support, protect and honor their brothers and sisters.

Among the thousands of greek organizations in the United States rests the smallest, most exclusive, most powerful fraternity in the world. Historically, this fraternity has only admitted 43 members, and is steeped in a more than 220 year tradition. What fraternity is this? That of American presidents. Coming from all walks of life, as long as you're rich and politically connected, this group of individuals now with a booming five living members is unique. Despite individuals coming from different parts of the country and having drastically different political views, the one thing that connects them all is an august respect and protection for each other.

Thus, it should come as no suprise today that our hypocrite-in-chief, after running against the evil Bush administration's trail of lies, corruption, evil, and constitution shredding, agreed to save face for the former president. That's right, all of the waterboarding (read: presidentially approved torture) conducted by the CIA under the Bush Administration will NOT be prosecuted by the Obama Justice Department. Individuals' liberty, safety, and dignity were violated, all while America's sense of morality and decency were subjugated. And what, may you ask is the punishment? NOTHING!!! Yes, score one for Barack Obama's sense of national pride, his protection of the rule of law, and the equal treatment of individuals therein. Some people are above the law, apparently. Frankly, it's that this nation's first black president should offer separate rules of law for individuals. So, Bush administration officials and the former President himself are allowed to sit in the front of the constitutional bus, everyone else better move their asses to the back and fall in line.

Oh, and if you stupid Obamabots are going to act like this is part of the long list of the "one questionable thing Obama has done among a host of great (hopefully, forthcoming) things," he also doesn't want prisoners to have habeas corpus rights...mmm...smell that old car scent.

So, I regret the vote I cast to push this fool into the elite fraternity of criminal protection, rights stripping, and unchecked political and legal power. Also, if I don't post for a while, chalk it up to the lack of Internet access in Guantanamo Bay.

-Ginger

Argghhh...

MSNBC's banner headline as I post this and the title to the article linked is "Pirates put Obama in 21st Century Bind." Maybe I'm missing something, but aren't they putting him in an 18th Century Bind?

A 21st Century bind would be shooting at space aliens with precision guided nukes or your teleportation machine breaking down mid-way through sending the staff to the next G-8 conference.

Pirates were a pest for George Washington's and John Adams' presidencies, and we finally fought a war with some when Thomas Jefferson stop plowing slaves long enough to dispatch some ships to Tripoli.

Leave it to MSNBC to label Obama's pirate fighting as new-age militarism.

-Ginger

Sebelius tucks

Oh, Kathleen, we know you have a huge pair of balls, but where were they yesterday?

The pending HHS secretary should be giving sane progressives pause following her waffling avoidance of the insurance mandate issue during her confirmation hearing. I know many of you have conveniently forgotten that Obama never advocated mandating coverage for all Americans during the campaign, only children. On a related note, you've also probably convinced yourself that a reformed healthcare system in which some don't have to participate will work out alright. Well, let me remind you that such a system won't work out in the end. Someone told us that...who was it...oh yeah, that bitch Hillary.

If Obama doesn't do healthcare right now, he'll have squandered our shot at affordable coverage for everyone FOREVER. Mr. President, soon-to-be Madame Secretary, buck up. Tell all of your emo 25-year-old supporters out there that just because they're not sick now doesn't mean they won't end up in the emergency room later. ~Slim

Obama, Memphis, Vomit

Rather than fixing the economy, dealing with the war, investigating the laws broken by the Bush administration, or legitimately dealing with all the screw ups his and his last administration propogated regarding AIG, et al, the President found time today to announce his picks for the NCAA Tournament. His final four includes: UNC (ok, we agree on something), Pitt (I disagree though I'm probably on the wrong side of this one), Louisville (not impressed), and Memphis (insert repeated projectile vomit noise here). Really Memphis? Not UConn from that region or Mizzou?

Memphis is in a shit conference so they're totally untested, have a really weak record in big time games against real opponents, and are totally and completely overrated given their weak and paltry ability (an ability that managed to win a C-USA tournament and go 1 for 3 against ranked opponents this season). Rather than basing judgment of Memphis on skill, records or fact, the media has made Memphis their love child creating a world in which everything they do, no matter how miniscule, meaningless, or easy it is, is considered the most dramatic of accomplishments. Sound familiar?

Wow, the Memphis basketball team is the athletic equivalent of the Obama campaign/administration. Now if only coach Calipari can act outraged at some kind of broad-scale corporate theft scheme that he had the opportunity to stop but absolutely and totally failed to do anything about, he would secure the role of his team as a perfect political metaphor. Maybe one of the players can throw a ball from half court ostensibly toward the basket, but miss and hit an 89 year old retiree in the head, killing her. Later, the player can deny ever have been in the arena, despite 26,000 witnesses and 11 networks covering the play.

The only thing that makes me seethe more than Memphis basketball is this President....

-Ginger

The Good, the Bad and the Federal Courts

The New York Times is reporting today a few bits of information on President Obama’s plan to staff the Federal Judiciary. The President is moving closer to naming, David Hamilton, to be his first nomination for a Federal Appeals Court judge (for the 7th Circuit). I’m not sure where this judge actually stands. Although the Times peeled their lips away from the President’s phallus long enough describe him as a "moderate," they went back suckling by detailing every liberal move Hamilton ever made. A criticism of the President must be combined with stark praise as well. So, in the spirit of that I will do the same.

A President can really screw up when staffing the judiciary. Clinton let a combination of making nominations a low priority and a bitchy and unfriendly Senate Judiciary Committee restrict the number and quality of nominations. Jimmy Carter demanded two qualifications to be appointed to the bench during his tenure: are you a minority or part of an underrepresented group AND are you going to be a terrible addition to the Federal Courts? If you answered yes to both, then you got the job.

Sadly, Republicans are really, really good at appointing judges (except Supreme Court Justices, they kind of suck at that, see Anthony Kennedy, David Souter, Sandra Day O’Connor, Harry Blackmun, John Paul Stevens). Hopefully, Obama’s appointment of a “moderate” judge is either phony (and he is a progressive) or not the start of a trend (as MSNBC is reporting). About 2 out of every 3 judges on the federal bench are Republican appointees. We don’t need Master of The Universe and Exalted Ruler of Post-Partisanship Obama to be appointing a bench full of moderates. The longest standing mark of a presidency are his court appointments. I’d rather you appoint a bunch of potheads from Berkeley or a group of hacky-sack enthusiasts from Austin rather than conservatives in "moderate" clothing.

And to channel NYT’s criticism and praise pairing, I will applaud Mr. Obama for bringing back the Bar Association’s ratings of Federal Court nominees to the nomination process. After emo-Bush’s feeling’s were hurt by the group they were banned from the process, and it’s nice to see them being brought back into the fold.

-Ginger

AIG bonus clusterfuck: why are we surprised/enraged?

Whah.

I'm so over everyone whining about AIG's abuse of bailout funds. I fail to comprehend why the Obama administration is so shocked and outraged by the insurance giant's latest stupid move, the operative word in this sentence being LATEST. Remember that one time the firm almost collapsed and we had to dump money into its coffers lest we usher in one of the twelve signs of the EconApocalypse? Remember that other time they blew through the initial bailout in .4 seconds and needed additional funds? Oh, and remember that one other time that AIG lost over $60 billion in the fourth quarter last year, which over $59 billion more than the total combined net worth of everyone you or I have probably ever known?

Obama came out of his bubble today looking like the fourth wife who's shocked that her husband wants to divorce her for yet another younger and hotter assistant. Did it never occur to ANYONE at Treasury to maybe ask AIG execs if they had any future "retention awards" planned when they got the latest dose of TARP funds? Did Obama's finance gurus really believe that the same people who slowly raped our economy over a period of years would instantly and compeltely learn their lessons?

The big losers here: Obama and every other melodramatic politician who is gnashing teeth and tearing out hair while having counsel look into "legal avenues" to rescind the bonuses. If they're still "looking into it," it means it can't happen. Your less intelligent American will fail to understand why the government invests in companies but then have no say in their behavior, and get pretty pissed. Your intelligent American has already realized that their political representives are too entrenched in the thinking that led to this entire mess in the first instance; they realize that this bonus mess is the government's fault, and are also getting pissed.

One would assume that it's probably time for Obama & Co. to reevaluate. When they are all done crying, anyways. ~Slim

Oooh, a scrap for the lefty dogs

His Majesty lifted that idiotic Bush ban on federally funded embryonic stem cell research. Another yummy campaign promise fulfilled, albeit it at a politically advantageous time and clearly designed to distract the Kos bunch from any foot-dragging on health care, ending the war in Iraq...I'm sorry, I just saw a stem cell growing into a liver, it was so shiny...

Ladies of the Crazy Left, I know you've already scheduled an appointment with Planned Parenthood and are eying every progressive, sensitive indie scenester within sight (but note, those skintight jeans are probably reducing sperm count). You want to have a personal role in the curing of awful diseases like Alzheimer's and multiple sclerosis, and this is way easier than ceasing your disaffected preening in the mirror long enough to go to medical school.

Sassmouthiness aside, it sure feels good to hear a president talk about restoring "scientific integrity to government decision-making" and "protecting free and open inquiry." But something seems too easy...oh yeah, President Obama won't lobby Congress to repeal the Dickey-Wicker amendment. Apparently, following your professed confidence in science to its logical conclusion by providing federal dollars to extract stem cells from embryos in the first place is too difficult.

Candidate Obama presented the most even-keeled and rational defense of the pro-choice position of any Democratic candidate for ANYTHING that I have ever heard. It would be great if he could follow that up with a truly sensible pro-choice policy. We'll see what the administration does with this.

P.S. the President explicity condemned human cloning, so Obamaphiles, you're stuck with just one of him for the time being. Whah whah.

~Slim

'Rush'-ing Into A Mess

Over the past couple of weeks, President Barack Obama's surrogates have been duking it out with radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh. Limbaugh, an overweight, conservative, pill addict with a microphone has been the voice of conservatism for quite some time. The President, through his handlers, has tried to label Rush the leader of the Republican Party as a way to discredit further a party in shambles. Rush has responded with vitriol and an offer to the President to appear on the radio show to debate the bloated windbag.

I agree that Rush Limbaugh is an absolute idiot in many ways, but you know what, like Ann Coulter, he is a brilliant man playing a market and earning tons and tons of money. The President should be above this fool's level and settle on performing such acts as being the leader of the free world, the leader of his party, and the voice of reason in policymaking. Instead, day after day he engages this meaningless dolt in the parlor games of politics. When will this President grow up? Cut the shit; fix the mess we're in; do your job! I voted for you, not to play tag with conservative radio hosts but to do a better job in creating policy and running this country than the last guy or your opponent. This nonsense is a let down.

All of this was capped off this week by a stupid email from the Democratic National Committee. Like most emails it was truly intended to raise money, but on the surface, it offered me the opportunity to submit a 10-word bit that could be put on billboards in Florida to call out Rush Limbaugh. Really? Is that what the party its spending money on? Is Rush that important and that much of a threat to Democats that you need to waste money on this? Rush was hired and syndicated to criticize Democrats, liberals and poorly behaving Republicans so as to gain a huge audience, sell ads, make money for himself, and most importantly the media conglomerate that pays him. He is doing the job he was hired to do, and damn well I may add. I wish the President would do the job he was hired to do, as well as Rush is filling his employment requirements. If he did, this country would probably be in a better place.

-Ginger

Louis Farrakhan, King of Hip

If President Obama's election represents the beginning of a post-racial America, I guess Calypso Louis didn't get that memo.

The Nation of Islam is still out there, ladies and gentleman, and it held its annual convention in Chicago this week. Apparently, rap stars lurrv him and Snoop Dogg donated $1,000 to the NOI...seriously dude, a grand? Did you blow your event budget on those sunglasses?

Flippancy aside, Slim is getting somewhere. Remember that one time Farrakhan praised Obama in an interview and his campaign took all of .02 seconds to make it crystal clear that they did not seek such an endorsement? Ouch, I mean, Jeremiah Wright and Farrakhan are certainly both senior VPs over at Foot In Mouth Corp., why the much hastier diss?

I suppose the black separatist undertones in the NOI...and that pesky faux Muslim thing...and all of those anti-Semitic and homophobic statemnts...well, Farrakhan has been considered toxic by black politicians trying to establish credibility in traditional power circles for a long time. But other African-American leaders with the aforementioned problems - sans the Muslim affiliation - have the benefit of Obama's benevolent approval.

Hmmm. If the President is serious about healing racial and religious divisions in America, maybe he could start with the NOI, which is smack in the epicenter of racial and religious intolerance. Farrakhan may be a total ass much of the time, but he is still taken seriously by many African-Americans because his efforts to better life for them are undeniable. Reaching out to African-Americans still unconvinced of the new rosy future would be a great way for Obama match action to rhetoric.

~Slim

Hope, Change, Iraq

Phew….I’m glad the war is over. I’m also glad that bitch Hillary Clinton didn’t get elected President or we would have had a ton of troops in Iraq for a long, long time. And thankfully, this new policy is strongly endorsed by Congressional Leaders like Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi and with friendly members of the media like Rachel Maddow…Oh wait...

In all seriousness though, the President’s plan is seeing some ringing endorsements like that of John McCain. That’s right McCain voters, you thought losing the campaign was going to mean a terrible policy on the war, luckily for you that didn’t pan out. Also, for the families of the 50,000 troops who will have to stay in Iraq, rest assured that your sons and daughters get a new label "non-combat troops." YAY! Everyone wins....

-Ginger

Byrdened by Power

United States Senator Robert Byrd criticized the Obama administration this week for a supposed policy power grab. Byrd, who was denied service in the Civil War because of his advanced age, argued that Obama’s move to institute policy czars amounted to the transfer of power from Congress to the Executive. (My guess is that Byrd is against czars based on personal experience, as his own life began during the Russian Revolution [literally].)

Byrd’s irritation with the President is really an argument over institutional power. The President wants to streamline the process (as most presidents euphemistically do). In addition, Obama has likely considered the melting pot of horrors that is the membership of the United States Senate and would rather trust the creation of important policy to his yet unfinished cabinet rather than to the yet unfinished Senate.

Why you may ask?

Here is a run down of some of the Senate’s superstar committee chairman and some of their finest accomplishments:

Robert Byrd (formerly chairman of Appropriations): He lost his chairmanship because the Majority Leader wanted it filled by someone younger, and chose the spry and chipper, 85 year old Daniel Inouye (HI). Byrd’s highlights include KKK membership and bilking the American taxpayer so a shithole like West Virginia can have an infrastructure that rivals the Jetsons.

Joseph Lieberman (CT-Homeland Security): Droopy Dog with an Iraq War cheerleader’s uniform on, Lieberman labeled Obama a socialist, while changing the battery out on John McCain’s campaign trail Power Scooter.

Carl Levin (MI-Armed Services): A true leader and huge supporter of his home town auto industry. If policy from the Senate will be anywhere near as successful as the productive capacity of General Motors, start hoarding your canned goods and oil lamps now.

Tom Harkin (IA-Agriculture): Tom has ensured that multi-billion dollar corn conglomerates owned by General Mills and Kellogg Corp. get billions of dollars in farm subsidies every year, just to ensure that they can cut it in the struggling agro-grain sector of the American economy. Remember: agriculture conglomerates need all of our help to get by, but if you’re a queer don’t you dare think of getting married…Work on a farm for six months it’ll put some hair on your perfectly waxed chest.

Mary Landrieu (LA-Small Business): The GOP’s second favorite Democrat. Landrieu is like an ugly girl at a frat party. She’s typically wearing clothes from 10 or 15 years ago and if you wave a little money in front of her or if Mitch McConnell whispers “I Love You” into her ear, she will do anything for you…ANYTHING. Her vote-casting sluttiness would make a Mardi Gras prostitute in the early stages of meth withdrawal blush.

-Ginger

Bobby Jindal, Voice from the Grave

While news commentators spoke of the certain irony in the Governor of Louisiana invoking the evils of government spending, of corruption, and the massive failures during Katrina to rouse people to the Republican cause, I need to address a few more pressing and ridiculous issues that came to light during the Response from the Plantation House.

If you could look beyond the cotton crop, over the slave quarters, around the "Colored" restrooms, and past the ol' hangin' tree, you would see the Louisiana exeuctive mansion. I expected to find inside the aforementioned Governor Bobby Jindal (R-SelfPromotion). Instead, I found something else quite remarkable. Apparently, Mr. Rogers' corpse rose up and raped a ventriloquists' doll to produce a love child with a voice that combined condescension, creepiness, and cartoonesque cadence.

As if you could possibly take seriously a man who sounded like the narrator from a Hans Christian Andersen story filling in for the 1930s newsreel voiceover who came down with the consumption, he had something of "substance" to say. He spoke from the heart about what all Louisianans believe was the great "scourge." A functioning judicial system? Nope. Prohibition? Nope. Oil Revenue Taxes? Nope. Slavery? Yes. Wait... Yessirrey, he labeled slavery a scourge, immediately making his reelection bid more competitive.

Unfortunately, all of the state's life-sized cardboard cutouts of the Gipper washed away when Katrina tried to punish the gays in New Orleans. So, Governor Jindal had to rely on a more veiled reference to Reagan, invoking the "Soviet menace." Seriously? Soviets were the only threat you could think of? Is this 1961? I guess when you're complaining about taxes being too high and government spending being out of control, the most reasoned approach is to reference the Cold War, a time when budgets were balanced and government programs were logical, efficient, productive and never wasteful. Oh wait....

Apparently, you need no training in history (high school or college) to qualify for a Rhodes Scholarship, a seat in the U.S. Congress, and the occupancy of Louisiana's governor's mansion. But then again, history books are still useful. Something has to kindle the fire under the (not so) ol' hangin' tree....

-Ginger

Obama to Address Congress

Though not an official State of the Union Address, President Barack Obama will offer a "Budget Address" to a joint session of Congress this evening (9PM EST). These addresses tend be a bit belabored, but you should expect some good quotes. President Obama's speechwriter, Jon Favreau, is quite talented, and this is the biggest speech of his career, thus far. I'm sure he'll make it a doozy. Below is a list of 5 points of interest to watch for.

1) How many members of the United States Supreme Court attend? Does Ruth Bader Ginsburg attend having just returned to the Court after cancer surgery? Does Jim Bunning throw a breaking ball at her head in a weak attempt to fulfill yesterday's prophecy?

2) Does Ted Kennedy return to Washington, DC, for the speech, given his recent health troubles? Does Bunning try to take him out as well for posterity?

3) Watch House Republicans sneer at Obama's recommendations for budget increases for specific programs. If your hometown Republican Member of Congress or Senator seems a bit portlier than normal, resist sending them the South Beach Diet cookbook. Their jackets are simply lined with stimulus money, and objects in denial are smaller than they appear. On a related note, place wagers with your friends as to who will win the spray tan-off: House Minority Leader, John Boehner, or Minority Whip, Eric Cantor.

4) Notice how often the new President pronounces words like "nuclear" properly, then quickly straighten all the pictures on your walls, as a nation's sigh of relief registers on the Richter scale.

5) For the first time in history, we will see an African-American, a woman, and two Catholics all on the podium during an address to Congress. Watch to see if Vice President Joe Biden does something ridiculous like throw a bottle of Jameson at the Joint Chiefs and take part of the stimulus money to "make it rain" for Nancy Pelosi.

Anyways, enjoy the speech; I'm sure we'll have much to say tomorrow.

-Ginger

Deficit Doublespeak (Not Having Any of It Edition)

As someone who is very uncomfortable with change, it comforts me greatly to know that our new administration is doing its best to calm my nerves. After the election, I was kept up at night at the thought that lobbyists would be driven from government positions and that the decision making over the war would be well thought out and the consequences fully considered. Thankfully, none of that has happened yet. And now to quell my fears even more, the new administration is continuing the fun and games of rhetorical truthspeak and the silliness of word games.

Today, the President announced his bold and brave plan to cut the deficit in half. To try to satisfy lowly Republicans and shed what he perceives as the slime of a liberal lavel, he is screaming from the highest rooftop of a corporation headquarters, non-unionized factory, or Cayman Island bank, “See I can be like you, too! Just accept me.” Of course, his plan is a weak attempt to gain political points with word games.

Really Obama? You’re going to cut the deficit in the coming years from where it is now? How talented our President is to assure us that in future years we will not face the passage of hundreds of billions of dollars in stimulus packages and bailout bills.

Our deficit is higher than normal this year because of these emergency expenses. To embrace the President’s bold deficit-cutting agenda is a farce. He won’t be cutting it to pre-Bush levels. He’ll be returning it to pre-recession levels. This is bold policy--returning our deficit levels to pre-recession levels once the recession is over? Maybe when he does it, he can give a speech on the steps of the Treasury Department in front of a big “MISSION ACCOMPLISHED” banner.

I applaud this President’s rhetorical balls. Sure, it has won over media stains like Norah O’Donnell whose idea of an effective stimulus is the battery operated device she keeps under the news desk for stories about this administration. I, on the other hand, see right through this nonsense, and I AM NOT HAVING ANY OF IT.

-Ginger