Hearings TODAY. Liveblogging NOW!

I was mixed up, the confirmation hearing for Judge Sonia Sotomayor begins today. Reactions are coming.

1:45PM CST: Wow. Sen. Gillbrand (D-NY) is certainly filling Ted Kennedy's enormous flabby shoes, standing in as the institution's most rotund Senator. A white suit? Really? Does anyone fat in the world understand that white (or orange...see front row stage left) are not flattering? Excuse me...Sen. Gillibrand's great-grandmother must be pissed that Kirsten ripped drapes off the windows and wrapped herself up in them.

1:38PM CST: Sen. Al Franken (D-MN) just said that as the newest member of the institution, he has a lot to learn about being a Senator. Has he heard his colleagues speak so far? There's not much to learn. He's really overstating their qualifications. Here is what you need to be a Senator. 1) Be at least 30 years old, but at all times look 40 years older than you actually are. 2) Live in a state. 3) Be ok with and when necessary take part in adultery. 4) Be boring and if boring isn't possible because of personality, senility or both (see Robert Byrd (D-Death's Door)) ramble continuously, flamboyently, and nonsensically.

1:29PM CST: Did Sen. Arlen Specter (D-PA) die before this hearing but recorded his opening statement on a recorder and slip it in his suit pocket, wheel his corpse out to the dais and press play?

11:25AM CST: Sen. Tom Coburn (R-OK) just gave his shitastic opening statement. As he explained all the terrors of liberals on the court and how biased Sotomayor is, he got snippy and copped a total emo conserva-tude. I was suprised to see Coburn at the hearing and he wasn't too busy helping cover up his fellow Republican colleagues' purely moral and good Christian adultery. He also kept talking about how important it was for the statue of lady justice to be blind...and I assume while he wants a blindfold over her eyes, he also wants a larger sash draped across her pornographically bare breasts.

11:15AM: Sen. Sheldon Whitehouse (D-Wealth and Privilege) is now giving his opening statement and is not having any of the Republican Party's bullshit criticisms of Sotomayor. He is explaining why Republican criticism of liberal judges as "activists" as opposed to the "constraint" oriented conservative judges. Also building on an umpire analogy reflecting on conservatives discovering conservative-supported rights, he just said "That's some balls......and strikes." He's my new favorite Senator.

11:05AM CST: Sen. John Cornyn (R-TX) learned a new word today "ether". It's ironic because I think he indulged in it before the hearing. He, a former justice of the Texas Supreme Court (America's grim reaper), is also rambling like his friend from South Carolina (see below). Looking at him makes me want to climb in the bathtub and open a vein. Between his shiny head, and his George Bush mannerisms are brutally irritating. His nonsense talk about the stability of the Constitution is cute. Not as cute as his weak football analogy that he got a kick out of. How about another football analogy from his homestate. Sotomayor has spent more time in a courtroom than the Dallas Cowboys' defensive line---a truly enormous accomplishment.

10:25AM: Sen. Lindsay Graham (R-SC) is now rambling through his opening statement where he is doing his best to restrain himself from shaking maracas at her. He is currently making no sense. Frankly, he's probably pissed off at God and his parents. The first for giving him estrogen-ridden facial features and the latter for topping off his effeminate sundae with a name like "Lindsay". He is from South Carolina, like he is in any position to judge anyone's qualification to hold public office.

10:15 CST: Jesus Obama is announcing his Surgeon General nominee today. I'm not sure why he is doing it on the same day as his Supreme Court nominee's confirmation hearing, but my guess is that it's someone controversial that he doesn't want much coverage of. At least it won't be douchebag extraordinaire Dr. Sanjay Gupta. The man whose feast for public attention is outweighed only by his own opinion of himself.

10:05AM CST: Did CNN's Candy Crowley get her stomach stapled? Will she change her name to Wheat Thin Crowley to reflect the change of lifestyle?

9:45AM CST: Crazy person outburst #1 during Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-CA). It sounded like the person was yelling at the Senator for not voting for Justice Alito's nomination 4 years ago. One Republican criticism is Sotomayor is that she's racist because she supports equal protection. Alito's membership in an outwardly racist student group when he was in college, however is ok with Republicans.

9:30AM CST: Sen. Jeff Sessions (R-AL) and previously failed federal judge nominee claims, a persons should ask himself if he were to go before a court what type of judge you would want? My answer: not a scumbag from Alabama who thinks black people deserve harsher penalties for white people for committing the same crime.

Also, I love how Judge Sotomayor pronounced her family's names in a super-ethnic way. Does she normally pronounce names that way? Maybe. Did she do it to piss off the racists sitting on the Committee? Definitely.

Tuesday's Liveblog Event! Now Monday!

On Tuesday, the US Senate Judiciary Committee will be holding its first day of confirmation hearings for Supreme Court Nominee Sonia Sotomayor. It should be fun as Democrats hold her up to be the most flawless jurist in the history of law. Meanwhile, Republicans will likely label her a racist, and extremist and a woman who will (insert veiled racial slur).

In honor of this day, Ginger and Slim will be liveblogging throughout the day. So, if you're looking for some information and hopefully a good laugh, visit our website throughout the day to get updates on how President Obama's first High Court nominee is faring. Tomorrow or Monday, Ginger will post a "What to Watch for Guide."

~Ginger and Slim

How To Lose A Memory in 10 Days

For a few reasons, chief among them Michael Jackson's death, the political world has completely lost its memory. From politics to pop culture, no one remembers what happened 10 hours ago, 10 weeks ago or 10 years ago. Who better to remind people of what has slipped from? ME! I apologize in advance for this post, it's been a while and it's longer than you're used to---but enough with Michael Jackson's day care center pickup lines.

Michael Jackson's death made us forget that:
1) Farrah Faucet died.
2) a) Mark Sanford banged some woman in Argentina and charged the state of South Carolina for the trip. Oh, and he forgot to notify any legislative leader, constitutional officer, cabinet secretary, his own wife and children, and his staff that he was traveling out of the state and contact.
b) Mark Sanford's drama, theatrics and teary-eyed airport confessional press conference made us forget that he is a good Christian man steeped in the Bible's teachings who criticized President Clinton for having an affair, demanding his impeachment or resignation.
c) Mark Sanford's boner made him forget that he has a hot wife who built his political career. Oh, he also forgot he has four boys and that his wife is an heiress to an enormous tool fortune. It must have been her company's craft that drew her to one of the South's douchiest tools.
3) Michael Jackson's death also made network news forget the kind of life he led, the kinds of antics in which he engaged, and the type of tastes that pleased his palette.
4) While we're blaming Michael Jackson, newscasters also forgot that there is more than one judge on the 2nd district United States Court of Appeals, and how that body functions.
5) Saint Michael of Preschool Boy's Bathrooms also made our President forget that he ran a campaign in which he gave speeches and made promises.
a)He forgot that he criticized the Bush Administration's use and abuse of signing statements to enhance the power of the presidency.
b)Such an abuse of the presidency like politicizing government agencies and participating in politically-motivated and illegal firings...WHOOPSIE!
c)He also made promises about having an open dialogue and debate about health care as we move down the road toward full coverage for all Americans. I assume you are still reading this as you aren't busy running to the doctor's office because you still don't have insurance, and don't bother planning ahead you won't next year either.

Well, hopefully memories return, unfaded and with all the gaps filled in.

~Ginger