Scorned wife of former vice-presidential candidate and current serial adulterer, John Edwards, opened an antique shop this week in her native Chapel Hill, North Carolina. She named it Red Window. I assume the name comes from the day she sat outside her scumbag husband's whore's house watched him scurry inside like a puppy to a treat bag--a nasty, venerial disease-ridden, callused treat bag. The glow from the light just inside that pane of glass illuminated red a window into the destruction of a political career. The tongue in cheek title seems like a clear choice for an angry women facing adultery, humiliation, an upcoming failure in the policy that she has made her life's work, and impending death. However, Red Window was not her first option, but Blonde Whores Should Die of AIDS has a location in nearby Durham.
Good for Elizabeth for showing the world that depite everything she is not through with this world. I assume she was thrown into the workforce by her husband's legal bills and child support payments to the possibly dozens of women he selflessly inseminated over the years as Johnny Good-Boy rode around the country railing against poverty and speaking of the American Dream. Thankfully, Elizabeth still embodies the American dream by opening a business of her own. Hopefully her children will see her as the role model and not their rat father who thinks the best thing he has to offer this country is a Cialis-laden penis, that as a good ol' boy from the South (I heard somewhere who grew up in a Mill town), is ripe for plantin'.
~Ginger
Monday, August 24
Monday, July 13
Hearings TODAY. Liveblogging NOW!
I was mixed up, the confirmation hearing for Judge Sonia Sotomayor begins today. Reactions are coming.
1:45PM CST: Wow. Sen. Gillbrand (D-NY) is certainly filling Ted Kennedy's enormous flabby shoes, standing in as the institution's most rotund Senator. A white suit? Really? Does anyone fat in the world understand that white (or orange...see front row stage left) are not flattering? Excuse me...Sen. Gillibrand's great-grandmother must be pissed that Kirsten ripped drapes off the windows and wrapped herself up in them.
1:38PM CST: Sen. Al Franken (D-MN) just said that as the newest member of the institution, he has a lot to learn about being a Senator. Has he heard his colleagues speak so far? There's not much to learn. He's really overstating their qualifications. Here is what you need to be a Senator. 1) Be at least 30 years old, but at all times look 40 years older than you actually are. 2) Live in a state. 3) Be ok with and when necessary take part in adultery. 4) Be boring and if boring isn't possible because of personality, senility or both (see Robert Byrd (D-Death's Door)) ramble continuously, flamboyently, and nonsensically.
1:29PM CST: Did Sen. Arlen Specter (D-PA) die before this hearing but recorded his opening statement on a recorder and slip it in his suit pocket, wheel his corpse out to the dais and press play?
11:25AM CST: Sen. Tom Coburn (R-OK) just gave his shitastic opening statement. As he explained all the terrors of liberals on the court and how biased Sotomayor is, he got snippy and copped a total emo conserva-tude. I was suprised to see Coburn at the hearing and he wasn't too busy helping cover up his fellow Republican colleagues' purely moral and good Christian adultery. He also kept talking about how important it was for the statue of lady justice to be blind...and I assume while he wants a blindfold over her eyes, he also wants a larger sash draped across her pornographically bare breasts.
11:15AM: Sen. Sheldon Whitehouse (D-Wealth and Privilege) is now giving his opening statement and is not having any of the Republican Party's bullshit criticisms of Sotomayor. He is explaining why Republican criticism of liberal judges as "activists" as opposed to the "constraint" oriented conservative judges. Also building on an umpire analogy reflecting on conservatives discovering conservative-supported rights, he just said "That's some balls......and strikes." He's my new favorite Senator.
11:05AM CST: Sen. John Cornyn (R-TX) learned a new word today "ether". It's ironic because I think he indulged in it before the hearing. He, a former justice of the Texas Supreme Court (America's grim reaper), is also rambling like his friend from South Carolina (see below). Looking at him makes me want to climb in the bathtub and open a vein. Between his shiny head, and his George Bush mannerisms are brutally irritating. His nonsense talk about the stability of the Constitution is cute. Not as cute as his weak football analogy that he got a kick out of. How about another football analogy from his homestate. Sotomayor has spent more time in a courtroom than the Dallas Cowboys' defensive line---a truly enormous accomplishment.
10:25AM: Sen. Lindsay Graham (R-SC) is now rambling through his opening statement where he is doing his best to restrain himself from shaking maracas at her. He is currently making no sense. Frankly, he's probably pissed off at God and his parents. The first for giving him estrogen-ridden facial features and the latter for topping off his effeminate sundae with a name like "Lindsay". He is from South Carolina, like he is in any position to judge anyone's qualification to hold public office.
10:15 CST: Jesus Obama is announcing his Surgeon General nominee today. I'm not sure why he is doing it on the same day as his Supreme Court nominee's confirmation hearing, but my guess is that it's someone controversial that he doesn't want much coverage of. At least it won't be douchebag extraordinaire Dr. Sanjay Gupta. The man whose feast for public attention is outweighed only by his own opinion of himself.
10:05AM CST: Did CNN's Candy Crowley get her stomach stapled? Will she change her name to Wheat Thin Crowley to reflect the change of lifestyle?
9:45AM CST: Crazy person outburst #1 during Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-CA). It sounded like the person was yelling at the Senator for not voting for Justice Alito's nomination 4 years ago. One Republican criticism is Sotomayor is that she's racist because she supports equal protection. Alito's membership in an outwardly racist student group when he was in college, however is ok with Republicans.
9:30AM CST: Sen. Jeff Sessions (R-AL) and previously failed federal judge nominee claims, a persons should ask himself if he were to go before a court what type of judge you would want? My answer: not a scumbag from Alabama who thinks black people deserve harsher penalties for white people for committing the same crime.
Also, I love how Judge Sotomayor pronounced her family's names in a super-ethnic way. Does she normally pronounce names that way? Maybe. Did she do it to piss off the racists sitting on the Committee? Definitely.
1:45PM CST: Wow. Sen. Gillbrand (D-NY) is certainly filling Ted Kennedy's enormous flabby shoes, standing in as the institution's most rotund Senator. A white suit? Really? Does anyone fat in the world understand that white (or orange...see front row stage left) are not flattering? Excuse me...Sen. Gillibrand's great-grandmother must be pissed that Kirsten ripped drapes off the windows and wrapped herself up in them.
1:38PM CST: Sen. Al Franken (D-MN) just said that as the newest member of the institution, he has a lot to learn about being a Senator. Has he heard his colleagues speak so far? There's not much to learn. He's really overstating their qualifications. Here is what you need to be a Senator. 1) Be at least 30 years old, but at all times look 40 years older than you actually are. 2) Live in a state. 3) Be ok with and when necessary take part in adultery. 4) Be boring and if boring isn't possible because of personality, senility or both (see Robert Byrd (D-Death's Door)) ramble continuously, flamboyently, and nonsensically.
1:29PM CST: Did Sen. Arlen Specter (D-PA) die before this hearing but recorded his opening statement on a recorder and slip it in his suit pocket, wheel his corpse out to the dais and press play?
11:25AM CST: Sen. Tom Coburn (R-OK) just gave his shitastic opening statement. As he explained all the terrors of liberals on the court and how biased Sotomayor is, he got snippy and copped a total emo conserva-tude. I was suprised to see Coburn at the hearing and he wasn't too busy helping cover up his fellow Republican colleagues' purely moral and good Christian adultery. He also kept talking about how important it was for the statue of lady justice to be blind...and I assume while he wants a blindfold over her eyes, he also wants a larger sash draped across her pornographically bare breasts.
11:15AM: Sen. Sheldon Whitehouse (D-Wealth and Privilege) is now giving his opening statement and is not having any of the Republican Party's bullshit criticisms of Sotomayor. He is explaining why Republican criticism of liberal judges as "activists" as opposed to the "constraint" oriented conservative judges. Also building on an umpire analogy reflecting on conservatives discovering conservative-supported rights, he just said "That's some balls......and strikes." He's my new favorite Senator.
11:05AM CST: Sen. John Cornyn (R-TX) learned a new word today "ether". It's ironic because I think he indulged in it before the hearing. He, a former justice of the Texas Supreme Court (America's grim reaper), is also rambling like his friend from South Carolina (see below). Looking at him makes me want to climb in the bathtub and open a vein. Between his shiny head, and his George Bush mannerisms are brutally irritating. His nonsense talk about the stability of the Constitution is cute. Not as cute as his weak football analogy that he got a kick out of. How about another football analogy from his homestate. Sotomayor has spent more time in a courtroom than the Dallas Cowboys' defensive line---a truly enormous accomplishment.
10:25AM: Sen. Lindsay Graham (R-SC) is now rambling through his opening statement where he is doing his best to restrain himself from shaking maracas at her. He is currently making no sense. Frankly, he's probably pissed off at God and his parents. The first for giving him estrogen-ridden facial features and the latter for topping off his effeminate sundae with a name like "Lindsay". He is from South Carolina, like he is in any position to judge anyone's qualification to hold public office.
10:15 CST: Jesus Obama is announcing his Surgeon General nominee today. I'm not sure why he is doing it on the same day as his Supreme Court nominee's confirmation hearing, but my guess is that it's someone controversial that he doesn't want much coverage of. At least it won't be douchebag extraordinaire Dr. Sanjay Gupta. The man whose feast for public attention is outweighed only by his own opinion of himself.
10:05AM CST: Did CNN's Candy Crowley get her stomach stapled? Will she change her name to Wheat Thin Crowley to reflect the change of lifestyle?
9:45AM CST: Crazy person outburst #1 during Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-CA). It sounded like the person was yelling at the Senator for not voting for Justice Alito's nomination 4 years ago. One Republican criticism is Sotomayor is that she's racist because she supports equal protection. Alito's membership in an outwardly racist student group when he was in college, however is ok with Republicans.
9:30AM CST: Sen. Jeff Sessions (R-AL) and previously failed federal judge nominee claims, a persons should ask himself if he were to go before a court what type of judge you would want? My answer: not a scumbag from Alabama who thinks black people deserve harsher penalties for white people for committing the same crime.
Also, I love how Judge Sotomayor pronounced her family's names in a super-ethnic way. Does she normally pronounce names that way? Maybe. Did she do it to piss off the racists sitting on the Committee? Definitely.
Saturday, July 11
Tuesday's Liveblog Event! Now Monday!
On Tuesday, the US Senate Judiciary Committee will be holding its first day of confirmation hearings for Supreme Court Nominee Sonia Sotomayor. It should be fun as Democrats hold her up to be the most flawless jurist in the history of law. Meanwhile, Republicans will likely label her a racist, and extremist and a woman who will (insert veiled racial slur).
In honor of this day, Ginger and Slim will be liveblogging throughout the day. So, if you're looking for some information and hopefully a good laugh, visit our website throughout the day to get updates on how President Obama's first High Court nominee is faring. Tomorrow or Monday, Ginger will post a "What to Watch for Guide."
~Ginger and Slim
In honor of this day, Ginger and Slim will be liveblogging throughout the day. So, if you're looking for some information and hopefully a good laugh, visit our website throughout the day to get updates on how President Obama's first High Court nominee is faring. Tomorrow or Monday, Ginger will post a "What to Watch for Guide."
~Ginger and Slim
Thursday, July 9
Between a C--k and a Hard Place
It was revealed today that Nevada Senator and the Mountain West's heterosexual playboy John Ensign's parents paid off the woman he was sleeping with. This sum ($96,000) is in addition to her pay doubling, as she served as his Senate Office's Executive-level prostate tickler, and while his mistress' barely pubescent son was given a consultant job at the National Republican Senatorial Committee.
Normally, the Democrats would have two routes. 1) Scream and yell and demand his resignation or 2) As Harball's Democratic "analyst" on this issue just spouted, Sit back and watch the Hindenberg fall. Neither is actually feasible for them. Like all good Americans, Democrats want to stand up and demand that a family values Republican adulterer be thrown in the pit of flames and banished from the political world. He should be cast from the legions of purity that march the streets of Washington to their House on the Hill. His political soul should be banished to the firey hell of political obscurity where (no Democrats because their misdeeds are always long forgotten) evil Republicans like Larry "foot tapper" Craig, David "will $20 cover it" Vitter, and Mark "Really?" Sanford all reside. It is Beelzebub's bordello from which the lure brings you through the door and the damnation never lets you out.
However, Democrats can't demand it because the alternative is horrifying and politically stupid. If Ensign were to resign, the Republican Governor of Nevada, Jim Gibbons, would be allowed to appoint his interim-successor. Meanwhile, Ensign and his vaginal fluid dousing rod will disappear from voters' memory. Democrats may not be able to use him as an effective punching bag. Worse however, is that a Nevada politician exists who is far worse than John Ensign---and it's Governor Gibbons. In his short stint in politics, Gibbons has been accused of bribery, kickbacks to mining companies, employing illegal workers, sexual assault, criminal interference, and other fun crimes. His wife left him and he is spinning wildly out of control, a la Illinois' Blago, just with substantially more disgusting charges. So, Democrats really need Ensign to keep on truckin' and, where possible, keep on fu--in'.
~Ginger
Normally, the Democrats would have two routes. 1) Scream and yell and demand his resignation or 2) As Harball's Democratic "analyst" on this issue just spouted, Sit back and watch the Hindenberg fall. Neither is actually feasible for them. Like all good Americans, Democrats want to stand up and demand that a family values Republican adulterer be thrown in the pit of flames and banished from the political world. He should be cast from the legions of purity that march the streets of Washington to their House on the Hill. His political soul should be banished to the firey hell of political obscurity where (no Democrats because their misdeeds are always long forgotten) evil Republicans like Larry "foot tapper" Craig, David "will $20 cover it" Vitter, and Mark "Really?" Sanford all reside. It is Beelzebub's bordello from which the lure brings you through the door and the damnation never lets you out.
However, Democrats can't demand it because the alternative is horrifying and politically stupid. If Ensign were to resign, the Republican Governor of Nevada, Jim Gibbons, would be allowed to appoint his interim-successor. Meanwhile, Ensign and his vaginal fluid dousing rod will disappear from voters' memory. Democrats may not be able to use him as an effective punching bag. Worse however, is that a Nevada politician exists who is far worse than John Ensign---and it's Governor Gibbons. In his short stint in politics, Gibbons has been accused of bribery, kickbacks to mining companies, employing illegal workers, sexual assault, criminal interference, and other fun crimes. His wife left him and he is spinning wildly out of control, a la Illinois' Blago, just with substantially more disgusting charges. So, Democrats really need Ensign to keep on truckin' and, where possible, keep on fu--in'.
~Ginger
Saturday, July 4
Christmas in July
It's Christmas in July for Ginger & Slim, and we got so much schadenfreude we're thinking of re-gifting some to our less sassy loved ones. Ensign. Sanford. Palin. FRANKEN COMES ALIVE.
What's next? Will Arnold go ballistic over the CA budget clusterfuck and murder a fourth of the Kennedy clan? Will one of Bobby Jindal's exorcisms go terribly awry in The Exorcism of Emily Rose 2? Where is Mitt Romney's illegal immigrant Hispanic love child? How many dead prostitutes are in Tim Pawlenty's basement?
But enough evil cackling for now. All of this Republican embarrassment has led pundits to their own severely embarrassing conclusion: Mississippi Governor Haley Barbour could be a 2012 contender. Barbour is truly a GOP powerhouse, and he makes no apologies for disenfranchising black voters, denying Medicaid to the poor, encouraging ten-year-olds to smoke, or eating five rare steaks a day for lunch. He is influential, he is likeable, and he is one shrewd dick. Sanford's emo love affair has resulted in Barbour becoming chair of the RGA a year early, and he's been drumming up money for the party in Iowa and New Hampshire recently. But he won't run.
A recent piss poor article talked about Barbour's "murky past," but nothing in the profile would preclude him from running, in part because he's no worse than any other Republican and in part because it's all common knowledge. Barbour won't run because he loves being insider power broker, and he's kind of old, and he's super fat, and he's ready to semi-retire to the farm, play party grandfather behind the scenes, and await the major coronary.
Barbour doesn't make mistakes. He is well aware of his weaknesses, and he went ahead and took himself out of the race some time ago. Barbour would never pardon murderers-turned-mansion-gardeners if he was looking towards the big prize. By hyping Barbour's chances, pundits and reporters are simply showing their ignorance of American politics by actually considering that the GOP is so fucked that Haley's their last best chance.
The 2012 GOP presidential nominee isn't even on the radar. So if the media could go ahead and stop trying to find him/her and get me some more scandal, that would be great.
~Slim
Alaskan Cat Fight!!!
So, Republican Alaska Senator Lisa Murkowski released a statement today in response to the Palin resignation stating, "I am deeply disappointed that the Governor has decided to abandon the State and her constituents before her term has concluded.” This would seem odd, a Republican criticizing another Republican so openly. The backstory explains why it is not.
Frank Murkowski was a US Senator from Alaska. He ran for Governor and won. Just before taking office, he resigned his Senate seat and as governor had the power to appoint his successor for a two year term. He appointed his daughter Lisa (see above). Meanwhile Governor Murkowski gets caught up in a huge scandal and the lowly mayor of Wasilla runs in a Republican primary against him--defeating him. This mayor, Sarah Palin, spent the primary campaign bashing the hell out of Governor Murkowski for his corruption---and won!
Needless to say, there is no love lost between Sarah Palin and Lisa Murkowski. But the reality of the situation is this: two totally underqualified individuals having a public political exchange of words. The Senator here tried to have the last laugh. Maybe Senator Murkowski is trying to distance herself from whatever shitshow is about to erupt surrounding Palin, but I think there's more (or less, depending on your perspective) to it.
Lisa Murkowski and Sarah Palin are like two girls everyone went to high school with. Lisa Murkowski was the homely girl who was only popular because her father was rich and bought her nice things, and while expensive makeup can only fix some things it can at least help a face that is some mix of otter and sewer rat (see Murkowski picture). What the makeup hides physically, family wealth and connections hide mentally and Lisa (or whoever it was in your high school) did better than the life she was qualified for: the return counter clerk at Payless.
Sarah Palin is that girl from your high school who came from almost nothing and actually might have worked the return counter at Payless. However, she had good looks and that got her by. Her intellect couldn't impress a squeeze bottle of mustard, but a willingness to blow strangers in order to get ahead did her well. If the money isn't there to fulfill all your dreams, can a talented tongue offer you success? You betcha!
~Ginger
Frank Murkowski was a US Senator from Alaska. He ran for Governor and won. Just before taking office, he resigned his Senate seat and as governor had the power to appoint his successor for a two year term. He appointed his daughter Lisa (see above). Meanwhile Governor Murkowski gets caught up in a huge scandal and the lowly mayor of Wasilla runs in a Republican primary against him--defeating him. This mayor, Sarah Palin, spent the primary campaign bashing the hell out of Governor Murkowski for his corruption---and won!
Needless to say, there is no love lost between Sarah Palin and Lisa Murkowski. But the reality of the situation is this: two totally underqualified individuals having a public political exchange of words. The Senator here tried to have the last laugh. Maybe Senator Murkowski is trying to distance herself from whatever shitshow is about to erupt surrounding Palin, but I think there's more (or less, depending on your perspective) to it.
Lisa Murkowski and Sarah Palin are like two girls everyone went to high school with. Lisa Murkowski was the homely girl who was only popular because her father was rich and bought her nice things, and while expensive makeup can only fix some things it can at least help a face that is some mix of otter and sewer rat (see Murkowski picture). What the makeup hides physically, family wealth and connections hide mentally and Lisa (or whoever it was in your high school) did better than the life she was qualified for: the return counter clerk at Payless.
Sarah Palin is that girl from your high school who came from almost nothing and actually might have worked the return counter at Payless. However, she had good looks and that got her by. Her intellect couldn't impress a squeeze bottle of mustard, but a willingness to blow strangers in order to get ahead did her well. If the money isn't there to fulfill all your dreams, can a talented tongue offer you success? You betcha!
~Ginger
Friday, July 3
One for the Birds
So, Alaska Governor, 2008 GOP Vice Presidential nominee, and barely literate Sarah Palin announced today she is stepping down from her job as her state's chief executive. While I'm sure Slim and I will have much to say about this over the coming days, I want to blog quick about my first impression.
Despite a silly, contradictory, rambling, and voice-cracking announcement by Alaska's favorite former sportscaster, some people in the GOP will find this speech "selfless" or "magnanimous" or whatever they can spin as they pray to Jesus that her screams of good faith are louder than Mark Sanford's latest letter to Penthouse. However, not everyone bought this load of crap. Chief among them: birds. If you listen to her speech, as she describes her positive record on ethics and her decision is for the good of Alaska, there is a pelican (or whatever the hell birds they have up there that haven't been asphyxiated in an inlet of Saudi sweet crude) making a laughing sound. Maybe Palin thought her record had killed enough wildlife that an outdoor press conference was safe, but it wasn't the case. Nothing says I'm screwed like a flock of birds off camera not having any of it.
Like I said, more to come; Happy 4th!
~Ginger
Despite a silly, contradictory, rambling, and voice-cracking announcement by Alaska's favorite former sportscaster, some people in the GOP will find this speech "selfless" or "magnanimous" or whatever they can spin as they pray to Jesus that her screams of good faith are louder than Mark Sanford's latest letter to Penthouse. However, not everyone bought this load of crap. Chief among them: birds. If you listen to her speech, as she describes her positive record on ethics and her decision is for the good of Alaska, there is a pelican (or whatever the hell birds they have up there that haven't been asphyxiated in an inlet of Saudi sweet crude) making a laughing sound. Maybe Palin thought her record had killed enough wildlife that an outdoor press conference was safe, but it wasn't the case. Nothing says I'm screwed like a flock of birds off camera not having any of it.
Like I said, more to come; Happy 4th!
~Ginger
Wednesday, July 1
Chairman Waxman Being Emo
Henry Waxman, chairman of the powerful House Committee on Energy and Commerce, was hospitalized today because he "felt unwell," according to his spokesperson. Who feels "unwell" in 2009? Did they load him into a conestoga wagon and cart him to the nearest apothecary for some smelling salts and ether?
Slim likes to compare such happenings to Former Secretary of Homeland Security and Federal Judge Michael Mukasey's "old-timey whoopsie" and "case of the vapors" before an audience of lawyers last year.
Anyways, maybe Waxman is being hospitalized for exhaustion (or a touch of the vertigo?) after ramming the Climate Bill through the House with as much finesse as a serial rapist in a convent. Or maybe it was an assassination attempt. Likeliest suspects:
1) Any Democratic House Member who isn't a barnicle on the underside of Nancy Pelosi.
2) Any Republican who loves smog, hummers, and corporations and hates taxes, trees, and hippies---so, any Republican.
3) People who hate people who have noses that belong on a farm.
4) John Dingell, the longest serving member of the House of Represenatives. He began his House tenure during Eisenhower's first term(literally!) and was next in line for the chairmanship of Energy and Commerce. However, he refused to feed from the trough of Pelosi sycohphants and got booted. While I'm not saying the move was unjust, given that Dingell's Detroit ties make his chairmanship of the Energy committee troublesome, I think he's a suspect. However, being born in 1926 means he's prone to the vapors and feeling unwell, too. But in his closet, behind his musket, there might be an old sarsaparilla bottle filled with some poison that hasn't been seen in use in 600 years, and it happened to find its way into Waxman's morning coffee.
~Ginger
Slim likes to compare such happenings to Former Secretary of Homeland Security and Federal Judge Michael Mukasey's "old-timey whoopsie" and "case of the vapors" before an audience of lawyers last year.
Anyways, maybe Waxman is being hospitalized for exhaustion (or a touch of the vertigo?) after ramming the Climate Bill through the House with as much finesse as a serial rapist in a convent. Or maybe it was an assassination attempt. Likeliest suspects:
1) Any Democratic House Member who isn't a barnicle on the underside of Nancy Pelosi.
2) Any Republican who loves smog, hummers, and corporations and hates taxes, trees, and hippies---so, any Republican.
3) People who hate people who have noses that belong on a farm.
4) John Dingell, the longest serving member of the House of Represenatives. He began his House tenure during Eisenhower's first term(literally!) and was next in line for the chairmanship of Energy and Commerce. However, he refused to feed from the trough of Pelosi sycohphants and got booted. While I'm not saying the move was unjust, given that Dingell's Detroit ties make his chairmanship of the Energy committee troublesome, I think he's a suspect. However, being born in 1926 means he's prone to the vapors and feeling unwell, too. But in his closet, behind his musket, there might be an old sarsaparilla bottle filled with some poison that hasn't been seen in use in 600 years, and it happened to find its way into Waxman's morning coffee.
~Ginger
Tuesday, June 30
Sanford Update!
So, it's not just Argentine women that gets South Carolina's governor going. Apparently he has fooled around with other women, though he didn't have sex. He sounds like another slick, adulterous Southern governor who couldn't define sex or the word "is". In fact, Southern governors inform this quick post a bit. Former President, Georgia Governor and Georgia's Peach(pit) Jimmy Carter once said he lusted in his heart. By the sound of the above link, Governor Sanford lusted in his fingers and probably his mouth, too.
~Ginger
~Ginger
MSNBC: Now Worse Than Ever
After telling Slim I had to blog today about MSNBC’s new show “Morning Meeting with Dylan Ratigan.” We came to understand the network revisions to be an extended metaphor for the political news world. The new MSNBC was bad and we couldn’t think it could drop below our expectations, but somehow managed to pull it off. It reminded us of the Obama administration, as kind irony given the networks penchant for swallowing the president’s staff 24 hours a day in real time. Second, the new lineup sucks harder than ever, like Keith Olbermann kneeling before a Manhattan gloryhole for his daily protein buffet luncheon. Now, the egos are more bloated and less qualified with this quality’s standard bearer, Luke Russert, storming the beaches of painful failure in order to escape the clutches of mediocrity.
That said, back to “Morning Meeting with Dylan Ratigan.” Apparently, a receding hairline of salt and pepper rats nest, buckteeth, no talent, a lack of understanding of basic economics and American politics, and skin that looks like a soon-to-be retired barber’s leather strip, can all be packaged into an expensive Italian suit and be put in front of a camera. In previous weeks, he explained that the government has never done anything to help economic competition—oh and he used to be a contributor to NBC’s financial network, CNBC.
Today, he defended Mark Sanford, saying there is no reason why this affair should force him to resign and that he’s tired of politicians being held accountable for personal matters that are no one’s business. Instead, he argues politicians should only be held accountable for policy. Contessa Brewer, shocked me today and made sense in response. Saying Sanford is a hypocrite and prides himself on morality and criticizes those who don’t live a good Christian life. More to the point, I would argue people in South Carolina CERTAINLY voted for him because of his moral and upstanding character, he has failed them on this point and clearly no longer represent what they voted for. Brewer went on saying that the state is still investigating whether his rendezvous romps were done at the taxpayer’s expense. More to the point, remember that one time he left the country (no matter the state) and didn’t bother telling anyone? What would have happened if the executive powers of the governor needed to be exercised rapidly and no one could get a hold of him unless there was a cell phone inside a pair of Latin American panties?
No, no Dylan, there’s no reason to impeach this man or demand his resignation. This asshole ended up dismissing Contessa Brewer in a really chauvinistic manner downplaying “hypocrisy” then using it in his next segment as if to say what “real” hypocrisy was. Dylan, just because you think banging a woman who isn’t your wife, risking a state constitutional crisis so you can fly south to get off, and stealing tax money for a booty call are all upstanding behavior for a man’s man doesn’t make it right. Further, defended an adulterer, thief, and wretched excuse for a public official doesn’t make you more of a man, nor does belittling a female contributor to the network, nor does a rugged look that resulted from years of chain smoking, vainly attempting to be a cigar aficionado, and knocking back bourbon with the boys. You’re a pathetic little man who’s entirely goal on TV is to prove he’s a man and has value, despite being unintelligent and without talent.
~Ginger
That said, back to “Morning Meeting with Dylan Ratigan.” Apparently, a receding hairline of salt and pepper rats nest, buckteeth, no talent, a lack of understanding of basic economics and American politics, and skin that looks like a soon-to-be retired barber’s leather strip, can all be packaged into an expensive Italian suit and be put in front of a camera. In previous weeks, he explained that the government has never done anything to help economic competition—oh and he used to be a contributor to NBC’s financial network, CNBC.
Today, he defended Mark Sanford, saying there is no reason why this affair should force him to resign and that he’s tired of politicians being held accountable for personal matters that are no one’s business. Instead, he argues politicians should only be held accountable for policy. Contessa Brewer, shocked me today and made sense in response. Saying Sanford is a hypocrite and prides himself on morality and criticizes those who don’t live a good Christian life. More to the point, I would argue people in South Carolina CERTAINLY voted for him because of his moral and upstanding character, he has failed them on this point and clearly no longer represent what they voted for. Brewer went on saying that the state is still investigating whether his rendezvous romps were done at the taxpayer’s expense. More to the point, remember that one time he left the country (no matter the state) and didn’t bother telling anyone? What would have happened if the executive powers of the governor needed to be exercised rapidly and no one could get a hold of him unless there was a cell phone inside a pair of Latin American panties?
No, no Dylan, there’s no reason to impeach this man or demand his resignation. This asshole ended up dismissing Contessa Brewer in a really chauvinistic manner downplaying “hypocrisy” then using it in his next segment as if to say what “real” hypocrisy was. Dylan, just because you think banging a woman who isn’t your wife, risking a state constitutional crisis so you can fly south to get off, and stealing tax money for a booty call are all upstanding behavior for a man’s man doesn’t make it right. Further, defended an adulterer, thief, and wretched excuse for a public official doesn’t make you more of a man, nor does belittling a female contributor to the network, nor does a rugged look that resulted from years of chain smoking, vainly attempting to be a cigar aficionado, and knocking back bourbon with the boys. You’re a pathetic little man who’s entirely goal on TV is to prove he’s a man and has value, despite being unintelligent and without talent.
~Ginger
Monday, June 29
How To Lose A Memory in 10 Days
For a few reasons, chief among them Michael Jackson's death, the political world has completely lost its memory. From politics to pop culture, no one remembers what happened 10 hours ago, 10 weeks ago or 10 years ago. Who better to remind people of what has slipped from? ME! I apologize in advance for this post, it's been a while and it's longer than you're used to---but enough with Michael Jackson's day care center pickup lines.
Michael Jackson's death made us forget that:
1) Farrah Faucet died.
2) a) Mark Sanford banged some woman in Argentina and charged the state of South Carolina for the trip. Oh, and he forgot to notify any legislative leader, constitutional officer, cabinet secretary, his own wife and children, and his staff that he was traveling out of the state and contact.
b) Mark Sanford's drama, theatrics and teary-eyed airport confessional press conference made us forget that he is a good Christian man steeped in the Bible's teachings who criticized President Clinton for having an affair, demanding his impeachment or resignation.
c) Mark Sanford's boner made him forget that he has a hot wife who built his political career. Oh, he also forgot he has four boys and that his wife is an heiress to an enormous tool fortune. It must have been her company's craft that drew her to one of the South's douchiest tools.
3) Michael Jackson's death also made network news forget the kind of life he led, the kinds of antics in which he engaged, and the type of tastes that pleased his palette.
4) While we're blaming Michael Jackson, newscasters also forgot that there is more than one judge on the 2nd district United States Court of Appeals, and how that body functions.
5) Saint Michael of Preschool Boy's Bathrooms also made our President forget that he ran a campaign in which he gave speeches and made promises.
a)He forgot that he criticized the Bush Administration's use and abuse of signing statements to enhance the power of the presidency.
b)Such an abuse of the presidency like politicizing government agencies and participating in politically-motivated and illegal firings...WHOOPSIE!
c)He also made promises about having an open dialogue and debate about health care as we move down the road toward full coverage for all Americans. I assume you are still reading this as you aren't busy running to the doctor's office because you still don't have insurance, and don't bother planning ahead you won't next year either.
Well, hopefully memories return, unfaded and with all the gaps filled in.
~Ginger
Michael Jackson's death made us forget that:
1) Farrah Faucet died.
2) a) Mark Sanford banged some woman in Argentina and charged the state of South Carolina for the trip. Oh, and he forgot to notify any legislative leader, constitutional officer, cabinet secretary, his own wife and children, and his staff that he was traveling out of the state and contact.
b) Mark Sanford's drama, theatrics and teary-eyed airport confessional press conference made us forget that he is a good Christian man steeped in the Bible's teachings who criticized President Clinton for having an affair, demanding his impeachment or resignation.
c) Mark Sanford's boner made him forget that he has a hot wife who built his political career. Oh, he also forgot he has four boys and that his wife is an heiress to an enormous tool fortune. It must have been her company's craft that drew her to one of the South's douchiest tools.
3) Michael Jackson's death also made network news forget the kind of life he led, the kinds of antics in which he engaged, and the type of tastes that pleased his palette.
4) While we're blaming Michael Jackson, newscasters also forgot that there is more than one judge on the 2nd district United States Court of Appeals, and how that body functions.
5) Saint Michael of Preschool Boy's Bathrooms also made our President forget that he ran a campaign in which he gave speeches and made promises.
a)He forgot that he criticized the Bush Administration's use and abuse of signing statements to enhance the power of the presidency.
b)Such an abuse of the presidency like politicizing government agencies and participating in politically-motivated and illegal firings...WHOOPSIE!
c)He also made promises about having an open dialogue and debate about health care as we move down the road toward full coverage for all Americans. I assume you are still reading this as you aren't busy running to the doctor's office because you still don't have insurance, and don't bother planning ahead you won't next year either.
Well, hopefully memories return, unfaded and with all the gaps filled in.
~Ginger
Wednesday, June 24
Tears of an Asshole
When the news of South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford's mysterious disappearance first broke, I assumed he was dead and hoped for the worst. When his wife said she had no idea where he was, I assumed she hated him as much as any semi-sane, non-Southern American and was glad to have a reprieve from that bony visage for a few days. When his staff came up with the lame Appalachian trail excuse, I was pretty convinced he was sodomozing a five-year-old boy in Thailand.
Well, it turns out I wasn't all that far off on all points. The Governor of Emo, as I've taken to calling him after that tearful clusterfuck of a press conference, suddenly finds himself in the charred shell of a dead political career. He's lucky his wife isn't the stabbing type - yet. And oh, that whole affair thing. The motivation behind Sanford's flight to his mistress is still fuzzy - was this a final, desperate rendezvous for a man who knew scandal was about to break? Or did a nefarious Romney spy catch him getting dirty on the Argentine coast?
Whatever the story, I loathe you, Mark Sanford, because you have set me up for this socially undesirable schadenfreude. It is pure bliss to see you cry on television...I just wish you were actually sorry for something other than yourself , or for all of the other terrible things you've done. The list of specifics is long, but in general, you tried to fuck your state economy through a lame attempt to reject federal stimulus funds for leverage in 2012, and you have consistently an unabashedly raised the spectre of murderous abortionists and dangerous minorities to subdue real policy discussion and political opposition while in office.
Emo Governor Mark Sanford looked like a lost puppy in the Atlanta airport today, and his swift downfall is the latest example of the fatal flaw in the GOP as we currently know it. When Christianity and morality become a hollow political crutches, it's so, so easy to abandon the principles with which you browbeat your political enemies and distract your less intelligent supporters. Cater to idiots enough, and you run the risk of thinking on their level. Republicans are out-stupiding Democrats, which might be one of the seven signs of the apocalypse.
Going from quarterbacks to band nerds in the span of a second Bush term has been rough on the leading men in the GOP. As they felt their influence and prestige quickly waning, Ensign, Sanford, and likely some still unidentified Republicans dealt with the bad news like any goodly white Christian male: they started sticking their dicks in EVERYTHING. It's a classic coping mechanism, and until politicians realize that ONLY Bill Clinton could get away with it, we're going to see a lot more tears on TV.
Ginger pointed out to me that the GOP is going to scandalize its way to a 2012 Haley Barbour nomination. He may be on to something...and only because Barbour is too fat and old to have sex.
~Slim
***********************************************
UPDATE
***********************************************
Haley Barbour becomes chairman of Republican Governors Association. Yet remains too fat and old to cheat on his wife, unless a manatee finds its way to the statehouse in Jackson.
~Ginger
Well, it turns out I wasn't all that far off on all points. The Governor of Emo, as I've taken to calling him after that tearful clusterfuck of a press conference, suddenly finds himself in the charred shell of a dead political career. He's lucky his wife isn't the stabbing type - yet. And oh, that whole affair thing. The motivation behind Sanford's flight to his mistress is still fuzzy - was this a final, desperate rendezvous for a man who knew scandal was about to break? Or did a nefarious Romney spy catch him getting dirty on the Argentine coast?
Whatever the story, I loathe you, Mark Sanford, because you have set me up for this socially undesirable schadenfreude. It is pure bliss to see you cry on television...I just wish you were actually sorry for something other than yourself , or for all of the other terrible things you've done. The list of specifics is long, but in general, you tried to fuck your state economy through a lame attempt to reject federal stimulus funds for leverage in 2012, and you have consistently an unabashedly raised the spectre of murderous abortionists and dangerous minorities to subdue real policy discussion and political opposition while in office.
Emo Governor Mark Sanford looked like a lost puppy in the Atlanta airport today, and his swift downfall is the latest example of the fatal flaw in the GOP as we currently know it. When Christianity and morality become a hollow political crutches, it's so, so easy to abandon the principles with which you browbeat your political enemies and distract your less intelligent supporters. Cater to idiots enough, and you run the risk of thinking on their level. Republicans are out-stupiding Democrats, which might be one of the seven signs of the apocalypse.
Going from quarterbacks to band nerds in the span of a second Bush term has been rough on the leading men in the GOP. As they felt their influence and prestige quickly waning, Ensign, Sanford, and likely some still unidentified Republicans dealt with the bad news like any goodly white Christian male: they started sticking their dicks in EVERYTHING. It's a classic coping mechanism, and until politicians realize that ONLY Bill Clinton could get away with it, we're going to see a lot more tears on TV.
Ginger pointed out to me that the GOP is going to scandalize its way to a 2012 Haley Barbour nomination. He may be on to something...and only because Barbour is too fat and old to have sex.
~Slim
***********************************************
UPDATE
***********************************************
Haley Barbour becomes chairman of Republican Governors Association. Yet remains too fat and old to cheat on his wife, unless a manatee finds its way to the statehouse in Jackson.
~Ginger
Monday, June 15
Iran Over The Dog
Iranians went to the polls this past weekend to cast ballots in their quadrennial presidential election. The incumbent Ahmadinejad and the challenger Mousavi were in a tight contest for the lead. Expectations were that the two would likely both miss the 50% cut off and enter a runoff election to be held later. Some polls even had the challenger defeating the sitting Iranian president by as much as 15 percentage points.
Instead, Ahmadinejad won by 29% points sparking rioting and protests in Iran decrying electoral fraud and corruption. The Supreme religious ruler in Iran, Ayatollah Khamenei even asked a council to investigate the election results.
There is a right way and a wrong way to go about rigging an election (just ask the Daleys, Bushes, Kennedys, etc.) and there is a wrong way. The right way leads to some disappointment and some raised eyebrows, but perhaps little more. For example, in the 1960 Presidential election, the race between Kennedy and Nixon was tight. In Chicago, boxes and boxes of ballots began coming in favoring Kennedy that the city's political machine magically produced. However, the margin of victory wasn't huge, but Kennedy still "won" Illinois.
To draw an analogy, the Kennedy victory in Illinois was like "accidentally" backing over the dog in the driveway. Sure, you never liked the dog and used to say you wish you never got it, but accidents happen and it is hard to see something so small in the side mirror. The Iranian election is the equivalent to tying the dog up, backing over it three times, calling the family out to the front yard and throwing a live grenade at it, then walking over to your children and saying, "daddy is sorry, it all happened so fast there was nothing I could do, scruffy got loose."
Anyways, in future news, Iran has a coup.
Instead, Ahmadinejad won by 29% points sparking rioting and protests in Iran decrying electoral fraud and corruption. The Supreme religious ruler in Iran, Ayatollah Khamenei even asked a council to investigate the election results.
There is a right way and a wrong way to go about rigging an election (just ask the Daleys, Bushes, Kennedys, etc.) and there is a wrong way. The right way leads to some disappointment and some raised eyebrows, but perhaps little more. For example, in the 1960 Presidential election, the race between Kennedy and Nixon was tight. In Chicago, boxes and boxes of ballots began coming in favoring Kennedy that the city's political machine magically produced. However, the margin of victory wasn't huge, but Kennedy still "won" Illinois.
To draw an analogy, the Kennedy victory in Illinois was like "accidentally" backing over the dog in the driveway. Sure, you never liked the dog and used to say you wish you never got it, but accidents happen and it is hard to see something so small in the side mirror. The Iranian election is the equivalent to tying the dog up, backing over it three times, calling the family out to the front yard and throwing a live grenade at it, then walking over to your children and saying, "daddy is sorry, it all happened so fast there was nothing I could do, scruffy got loose."
Anyways, in future news, Iran has a coup.
Thursday, April 16
World's Smallest Fraternity Protects Own
Anyone who has been on a college campus knows the pomp and tradition associated with greek life. Fraternities and sororities have secret handshakes and chants, often live in exclusive housing, wear their letters across their chest, and most importantly, vow to support, protect and honor their brothers and sisters.
Among the thousands of greek organizations in the United States rests the smallest, most exclusive, most powerful fraternity in the world. Historically, this fraternity has only admitted 43 members, and is steeped in a more than 220 year tradition. What fraternity is this? That of American presidents. Coming from all walks of life, as long as you're rich and politically connected, this group of individuals now with a booming five living members is unique. Despite individuals coming from different parts of the country and having drastically different political views, the one thing that connects them all is an august respect and protection for each other.
Thus, it should come as no suprise today that our hypocrite-in-chief, after running against the evil Bush administration's trail of lies, corruption, evil, and constitution shredding, agreed to save face for the former president. That's right, all of the waterboarding (read: presidentially approved torture) conducted by the CIA under the Bush Administration will NOT be prosecuted by the Obama Justice Department. Individuals' liberty, safety, and dignity were violated, all while America's sense of morality and decency were subjugated. And what, may you ask is the punishment? NOTHING!!! Yes, score one for Barack Obama's sense of national pride, his protection of the rule of law, and the equal treatment of individuals therein. Some people are above the law, apparently. Frankly, it's that this nation's first black president should offer separate rules of law for individuals. So, Bush administration officials and the former President himself are allowed to sit in the front of the constitutional bus, everyone else better move their asses to the back and fall in line.
Oh, and if you stupid Obamabots are going to act like this is part of the long list of the "one questionable thing Obama has done among a host of great (hopefully, forthcoming) things," he also doesn't want prisoners to have habeas corpus rights...mmm...smell that old car scent.
So, I regret the vote I cast to push this fool into the elite fraternity of criminal protection, rights stripping, and unchecked political and legal power. Also, if I don't post for a while, chalk it up to the lack of Internet access in Guantanamo Bay.
-Ginger
Among the thousands of greek organizations in the United States rests the smallest, most exclusive, most powerful fraternity in the world. Historically, this fraternity has only admitted 43 members, and is steeped in a more than 220 year tradition. What fraternity is this? That of American presidents. Coming from all walks of life, as long as you're rich and politically connected, this group of individuals now with a booming five living members is unique. Despite individuals coming from different parts of the country and having drastically different political views, the one thing that connects them all is an august respect and protection for each other.
Thus, it should come as no suprise today that our hypocrite-in-chief, after running against the evil Bush administration's trail of lies, corruption, evil, and constitution shredding, agreed to save face for the former president. That's right, all of the waterboarding (read: presidentially approved torture) conducted by the CIA under the Bush Administration will NOT be prosecuted by the Obama Justice Department. Individuals' liberty, safety, and dignity were violated, all while America's sense of morality and decency were subjugated. And what, may you ask is the punishment? NOTHING!!! Yes, score one for Barack Obama's sense of national pride, his protection of the rule of law, and the equal treatment of individuals therein. Some people are above the law, apparently. Frankly, it's that this nation's first black president should offer separate rules of law for individuals. So, Bush administration officials and the former President himself are allowed to sit in the front of the constitutional bus, everyone else better move their asses to the back and fall in line.
Oh, and if you stupid Obamabots are going to act like this is part of the long list of the "one questionable thing Obama has done among a host of great (hopefully, forthcoming) things," he also doesn't want prisoners to have habeas corpus rights...mmm...smell that old car scent.
So, I regret the vote I cast to push this fool into the elite fraternity of criminal protection, rights stripping, and unchecked political and legal power. Also, if I don't post for a while, chalk it up to the lack of Internet access in Guantanamo Bay.
-Ginger
Wednesday, April 15
The (a)Lone Star State
Governor Rick Perry (R-TX) is so American that his anti-Americanism is patriotic. Yes, Texas wants to secede from the union, or at least the Texas governor does. I say: adios! Or at least thats what they will be saying when the Mexican army starts gobbling up land and the Texas State Police, Texas Rangers, and perhaps the San Antonio Spurs are unable to beat back the force.
What will secession accomplish? Well, first and most importantly, I will probably laugh harder than ever. Second, we'll get a filibuster proof majority in the Senate as 59/98 is the 3/5 needed. We would get rid of a bunch of Republican Congressmen and a bunch of DINOs. The University of Texas football team would longer be a BCS competitor. The next time Democrats in the state legislature want to abandon the state capitol and run to Oklahoma for refuge, they better have their Texas-issued passports updated (this is contingent on the State Department opening up diplomatic relations with the newly independent country, which I doubt). The International Criminal Court can send a contingent into Texas to arrest George W. Bush for war crimes and not worry about the American military turning them away.
If only this could happen. Unfortunately, Rick Perry's grasp of the broader implications of the secession of his state is only outmatched by his comprehension of the English language writ large. He will grandstand for a while, spit nails about the evil communist in the White House, probably slip up and call him some slur and blame the liberal overly-PC crowd for his own tongue twisting. But at the end of the day, he will remain the governor of Texas, his state will remain part of the US, and every six weeks he will visit Rod Blagojevich's hair stylist, and we will still be burdened by the tomfoolery of another barely literate Texas governor.
What will secession accomplish? Well, first and most importantly, I will probably laugh harder than ever. Second, we'll get a filibuster proof majority in the Senate as 59/98 is the 3/5 needed. We would get rid of a bunch of Republican Congressmen and a bunch of DINOs. The University of Texas football team would longer be a BCS competitor. The next time Democrats in the state legislature want to abandon the state capitol and run to Oklahoma for refuge, they better have their Texas-issued passports updated (this is contingent on the State Department opening up diplomatic relations with the newly independent country, which I doubt). The International Criminal Court can send a contingent into Texas to arrest George W. Bush for war crimes and not worry about the American military turning them away.
If only this could happen. Unfortunately, Rick Perry's grasp of the broader implications of the secession of his state is only outmatched by his comprehension of the English language writ large. He will grandstand for a while, spit nails about the evil communist in the White House, probably slip up and call him some slur and blame the liberal overly-PC crowd for his own tongue twisting. But at the end of the day, he will remain the governor of Texas, his state will remain part of the US, and every six weeks he will visit Rod Blagojevich's hair stylist, and we will still be burdened by the tomfoolery of another barely literate Texas governor.
Thursday, April 9
Argghhh...
MSNBC's banner headline as I post this and the title to the article linked is "Pirates put Obama in 21st Century Bind." Maybe I'm missing something, but aren't they putting him in an 18th Century Bind?
A 21st Century bind would be shooting at space aliens with precision guided nukes or your teleportation machine breaking down mid-way through sending the staff to the next G-8 conference.
Pirates were a pest for George Washington's and John Adams' presidencies, and we finally fought a war with some when Thomas Jefferson stop plowing slaves long enough to dispatch some ships to Tripoli.
Leave it to MSNBC to label Obama's pirate fighting as new-age militarism.
-Ginger
A 21st Century bind would be shooting at space aliens with precision guided nukes or your teleportation machine breaking down mid-way through sending the staff to the next G-8 conference.
Pirates were a pest for George Washington's and John Adams' presidencies, and we finally fought a war with some when Thomas Jefferson stop plowing slaves long enough to dispatch some ships to Tripoli.
Leave it to MSNBC to label Obama's pirate fighting as new-age militarism.
-Ginger
Wednesday, April 8
The Pot of Gold
At the other end of the Rainbow in the Rainbow Coalition is a pot of gold. Normally this pot of gold would be the bounty of some drunken Irish midget, but here it is actually a cesspool of filthy blood money bundled together by the political sludge that composes Chicago politics. This gold allows magical things to happen: the Daley family runs the city, Bullwinkle's sidekick gets to wear a wig and run the state, and now everyone's favorite ballot purger gets to run the country. Hidden away in this pap smear of politics, is the Congressional delegation. At the top are Senators Dick Durbin and clean-as-a-fiber-addict's-never-tended-outhouse Roland Burris.
Beneath the two Senators rest a House pack that ranges from the boring, to the crazy, to the (formerly) weasel-ey, to the pure, unfettered, nepotistically corrupt and douchey. Yes, Jesse Jackson, Jr. whose reputation is as clean as his father's, and his intelligence, virtue, and leadership is rivaled only by his independent merit-based rise to political prominence. He now faces an ethics probe into his role in Blago-gate. Nothing warms the cockles of my egalitarian heart like one of the political dynasties of a local and national political industry get tangled up in a scandal like a spiritual advisor in a pair of the office clerk's panties. We had a special election to replace Rahmbo this week; the Secretary of State better not stash the voting machines too far into the back of the supply closet, as Ginger smells another special election right around the corner. I don't think all the gold in Rome (or Chicago) will avoid this spectacular collapse.
-Ginger
Beneath the two Senators rest a House pack that ranges from the boring, to the crazy, to the (formerly) weasel-ey, to the pure, unfettered, nepotistically corrupt and douchey. Yes, Jesse Jackson, Jr. whose reputation is as clean as his father's, and his intelligence, virtue, and leadership is rivaled only by his independent merit-based rise to political prominence. He now faces an ethics probe into his role in Blago-gate. Nothing warms the cockles of my egalitarian heart like one of the political dynasties of a local and national political industry get tangled up in a scandal like a spiritual advisor in a pair of the office clerk's panties. We had a special election to replace Rahmbo this week; the Secretary of State better not stash the voting machines too far into the back of the supply closet, as Ginger smells another special election right around the corner. I don't think all the gold in Rome (or Chicago) will avoid this spectacular collapse.
-Ginger
Thursday, April 2
Sebelius tucks
Oh, Kathleen, we know you have a huge pair of balls, but where were they yesterday?
The pending HHS secretary should be giving sane progressives pause following her waffling avoidance of the insurance mandate issue during her confirmation hearing. I know many of you have conveniently forgotten that Obama never advocated mandating coverage for all Americans during the campaign, only children. On a related note, you've also probably convinced yourself that a reformed healthcare system in which some don't have to participate will work out alright. Well, let me remind you that such a system won't work out in the end. Someone told us that...who was it...oh yeah, that bitch Hillary.
If Obama doesn't do healthcare right now, he'll have squandered our shot at affordable coverage for everyone FOREVER. Mr. President, soon-to-be Madame Secretary, buck up. Tell all of your emo 25-year-old supporters out there that just because they're not sick now doesn't mean they won't end up in the emergency room later. ~Slim
The pending HHS secretary should be giving sane progressives pause following her waffling avoidance of the insurance mandate issue during her confirmation hearing. I know many of you have conveniently forgotten that Obama never advocated mandating coverage for all Americans during the campaign, only children. On a related note, you've also probably convinced yourself that a reformed healthcare system in which some don't have to participate will work out alright. Well, let me remind you that such a system won't work out in the end. Someone told us that...who was it...oh yeah, that bitch Hillary.
If Obama doesn't do healthcare right now, he'll have squandered our shot at affordable coverage for everyone FOREVER. Mr. President, soon-to-be Madame Secretary, buck up. Tell all of your emo 25-year-old supporters out there that just because they're not sick now doesn't mean they won't end up in the emergency room later. ~Slim
Monday, March 30
The Nobel Prize: Useless in an Era of CHANGE
Early in the 2008 primary season, Ginger and I were at a debate-watching party when an idiot with zero political knowledge referred to our precious Hildog as "naive." We took it poorly, at best. So I felt for you, Krugman lovers and legitimate progressive thinkers, when I read this today. If you find it audacious that the very people who fucked up on AIG and many other bailout elements would call a qualified scholar "naive," you should probably remember that these people are so obsessed with their great leader, they probably regard his daily shit as some sort of economic oracle.
To be fair, Obama's apostles are new to any left-leaning criticism of the Exhalted One, and they're all totally emo, so it makes sense that they are crying in the corner before lashing out at the man they envision as Judas. I sort of feel badly for them, because this is the start of what I think is a tide of very public criticism from very prominent liberals.
Evan Thomas himself admitted that his establishment tendencies make him want to dismiss Krugman's gloomy foreboding, but that he has a nagging feeling the little man might be onto something. I suspect John McCain may have had a nagging feeling that Cindy looked a little groggy, but then ignored it, and suddenly meds were missing from a certain chairty organization. Whoops. Was it not ignorance of our inner nag that got us into this econapocalypse in the first place?
But back to the shit oracles. I mean, a reliance on sorcery and mystique must have been the reason administration officials convinced Obama to get all stern father on GM and Chrysler without preparing Gibbsy to defend against a patently obvious double standard, right? If they would have done their homework - say, the kind of rigorous research that lands one a Nobel Prize - one would think they would have drawn the conclusion that the public would be incredulous over a perceived blunt-force assault on the "American worker" versus a mere slap on the wrist for those dastardly Wall Street monsters. It seems that Krugman is more and more correct with each passing day.
~Slim
To be fair, Obama's apostles are new to any left-leaning criticism of the Exhalted One, and they're all totally emo, so it makes sense that they are crying in the corner before lashing out at the man they envision as Judas. I sort of feel badly for them, because this is the start of what I think is a tide of very public criticism from very prominent liberals.
Evan Thomas himself admitted that his establishment tendencies make him want to dismiss Krugman's gloomy foreboding, but that he has a nagging feeling the little man might be onto something. I suspect John McCain may have had a nagging feeling that Cindy looked a little groggy, but then ignored it, and suddenly meds were missing from a certain chairty organization. Whoops. Was it not ignorance of our inner nag that got us into this econapocalypse in the first place?
But back to the shit oracles. I mean, a reliance on sorcery and mystique must have been the reason administration officials convinced Obama to get all stern father on GM and Chrysler without preparing Gibbsy to defend against a patently obvious double standard, right? If they would have done their homework - say, the kind of rigorous research that lands one a Nobel Prize - one would think they would have drawn the conclusion that the public would be incredulous over a perceived blunt-force assault on the "American worker" versus a mere slap on the wrist for those dastardly Wall Street monsters. It seems that Krugman is more and more correct with each passing day.
~Slim
Tuesday, March 24
In case the economy isn't making you suicidal...
...the latest media news will. First up, Howard Dean will become a regular CNBC contributor. Remember that one time in 2004 when Dean was the white 2004 Obama, beloved by the liberal masses and praised for his opposition to the Iraq war? Oh yeah, then he started screaming, and didn't have any "inspirational" background to propel him forward or a "bitch" candidate like Hil with which to contrast himself.
Then Dean turned his amazing web networking prowess into a new base of Democratic support, revitalized the DNC, and catapulted Obama to the White House with his sound 50-state strategy. You would think Obama would be greatful, but he let Rahm be a fucking spiteful dick and ushered in precious boytoy Tim Kaine. Dean has been gracious through his unceremonial kicking to the curb by Obama and Emanuel, but I doubt his populist perspective will make CNBC any less annoying, and he clearly deserves better than NBC's ugliest and least intelligent child.
Those of you who were looking forward to the Chris Matthews Pennsylvania Senate candidacy disaster will be doubly disappointed that not only will he refrain in 2010, he will be with MSNBC for another painful four years. Four more years of awkward misogyny, belligerent love-hate for Obama, and aggressive, nonsensical and blatantly leading questions. I mean, even Chuck Todd is marginally more tolerable, and Todd is the worst reporter/analyst EVER. Matthews' delusion about his own impartiality and analytical skills is gut-wrenching, but I guess that trainwreck brings enough viewers to the time slot, so brace yourselves. ~ Slim
Then Dean turned his amazing web networking prowess into a new base of Democratic support, revitalized the DNC, and catapulted Obama to the White House with his sound 50-state strategy. You would think Obama would be greatful, but he let Rahm be a fucking spiteful dick and ushered in precious boytoy Tim Kaine. Dean has been gracious through his unceremonial kicking to the curb by Obama and Emanuel, but I doubt his populist perspective will make CNBC any less annoying, and he clearly deserves better than NBC's ugliest and least intelligent child.
Those of you who were looking forward to the Chris Matthews Pennsylvania Senate candidacy disaster will be doubly disappointed that not only will he refrain in 2010, he will be with MSNBC for another painful four years. Four more years of awkward misogyny, belligerent love-hate for Obama, and aggressive, nonsensical and blatantly leading questions. I mean, even Chuck Todd is marginally more tolerable, and Todd is the worst reporter/analyst EVER. Matthews' delusion about his own impartiality and analytical skills is gut-wrenching, but I guess that trainwreck brings enough viewers to the time slot, so brace yourselves. ~ Slim
Wednesday, March 18
Obama, Memphis, Vomit
Rather than fixing the economy, dealing with the war, investigating the laws broken by the Bush administration, or legitimately dealing with all the screw ups his and his last administration propogated regarding AIG, et al, the President found time today to announce his picks for the NCAA Tournament. His final four includes: UNC (ok, we agree on something), Pitt (I disagree though I'm probably on the wrong side of this one), Louisville (not impressed), and Memphis (insert repeated projectile vomit noise here). Really Memphis? Not UConn from that region or Mizzou?
Memphis is in a shit conference so they're totally untested, have a really weak record in big time games against real opponents, and are totally and completely overrated given their weak and paltry ability (an ability that managed to win a C-USA tournament and go 1 for 3 against ranked opponents this season). Rather than basing judgment of Memphis on skill, records or fact, the media has made Memphis their love child creating a world in which everything they do, no matter how miniscule, meaningless, or easy it is, is considered the most dramatic of accomplishments. Sound familiar?
Wow, the Memphis basketball team is the athletic equivalent of the Obama campaign/administration. Now if only coach Calipari can act outraged at some kind of broad-scale corporate theft scheme that he had the opportunity to stop but absolutely and totally failed to do anything about, he would secure the role of his team as a perfect political metaphor. Maybe one of the players can throw a ball from half court ostensibly toward the basket, but miss and hit an 89 year old retiree in the head, killing her. Later, the player can deny ever have been in the arena, despite 26,000 witnesses and 11 networks covering the play.
The only thing that makes me seethe more than Memphis basketball is this President....
-Ginger
Memphis is in a shit conference so they're totally untested, have a really weak record in big time games against real opponents, and are totally and completely overrated given their weak and paltry ability (an ability that managed to win a C-USA tournament and go 1 for 3 against ranked opponents this season). Rather than basing judgment of Memphis on skill, records or fact, the media has made Memphis their love child creating a world in which everything they do, no matter how miniscule, meaningless, or easy it is, is considered the most dramatic of accomplishments. Sound familiar?
Wow, the Memphis basketball team is the athletic equivalent of the Obama campaign/administration. Now if only coach Calipari can act outraged at some kind of broad-scale corporate theft scheme that he had the opportunity to stop but absolutely and totally failed to do anything about, he would secure the role of his team as a perfect political metaphor. Maybe one of the players can throw a ball from half court ostensibly toward the basket, but miss and hit an 89 year old retiree in the head, killing her. Later, the player can deny ever have been in the arena, despite 26,000 witnesses and 11 networks covering the play.
The only thing that makes me seethe more than Memphis basketball is this President....
-Ginger
Tuesday, March 17
Happy St. Patrick's Day
HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY FROM SASSMOUTH POLITICS!!
Remember the key to a good day is green beer, corned beef & cabbage, and hating gays.
So, have a mold-colored beer, eat some brine soaked meat, and know that gays will burn in hell for their sins, unless they do it the Catholic way and take Holy Orders and dittle the little.
Ya, I said it!
-Ginger
Remember the key to a good day is green beer, corned beef & cabbage, and hating gays.
So, have a mold-colored beer, eat some brine soaked meat, and know that gays will burn in hell for their sins, unless they do it the Catholic way and take Holy Orders and dittle the little.
Ya, I said it!
-Ginger
The Good, the Bad and the Federal Courts
The New York Times is reporting today a few bits of information on President Obama’s plan to staff the Federal Judiciary. The President is moving closer to naming, David Hamilton, to be his first nomination for a Federal Appeals Court judge (for the 7th Circuit). I’m not sure where this judge actually stands. Although the Times peeled their lips away from the President’s phallus long enough describe him as a "moderate," they went back suckling by detailing every liberal move Hamilton ever made. A criticism of the President must be combined with stark praise as well. So, in the spirit of that I will do the same.
A President can really screw up when staffing the judiciary. Clinton let a combination of making nominations a low priority and a bitchy and unfriendly Senate Judiciary Committee restrict the number and quality of nominations. Jimmy Carter demanded two qualifications to be appointed to the bench during his tenure: are you a minority or part of an underrepresented group AND are you going to be a terrible addition to the Federal Courts? If you answered yes to both, then you got the job.
Sadly, Republicans are really, really good at appointing judges (except Supreme Court Justices, they kind of suck at that, see Anthony Kennedy, David Souter, Sandra Day O’Connor, Harry Blackmun, John Paul Stevens). Hopefully, Obama’s appointment of a “moderate” judge is either phony (and he is a progressive) or not the start of a trend (as MSNBC is reporting). About 2 out of every 3 judges on the federal bench are Republican appointees. We don’t need Master of The Universe and Exalted Ruler of Post-Partisanship Obama to be appointing a bench full of moderates. The longest standing mark of a presidency are his court appointments. I’d rather you appoint a bunch of potheads from Berkeley or a group of hacky-sack enthusiasts from Austin rather than conservatives in "moderate" clothing.
And to channel NYT’s criticism and praise pairing, I will applaud Mr. Obama for bringing back the Bar Association’s ratings of Federal Court nominees to the nomination process. After emo-Bush’s feeling’s were hurt by the group they were banned from the process, and it’s nice to see them being brought back into the fold.
-Ginger
A President can really screw up when staffing the judiciary. Clinton let a combination of making nominations a low priority and a bitchy and unfriendly Senate Judiciary Committee restrict the number and quality of nominations. Jimmy Carter demanded two qualifications to be appointed to the bench during his tenure: are you a minority or part of an underrepresented group AND are you going to be a terrible addition to the Federal Courts? If you answered yes to both, then you got the job.
Sadly, Republicans are really, really good at appointing judges (except Supreme Court Justices, they kind of suck at that, see Anthony Kennedy, David Souter, Sandra Day O’Connor, Harry Blackmun, John Paul Stevens). Hopefully, Obama’s appointment of a “moderate” judge is either phony (and he is a progressive) or not the start of a trend (as MSNBC is reporting). About 2 out of every 3 judges on the federal bench are Republican appointees. We don’t need Master of The Universe and Exalted Ruler of Post-Partisanship Obama to be appointing a bench full of moderates. The longest standing mark of a presidency are his court appointments. I’d rather you appoint a bunch of potheads from Berkeley or a group of hacky-sack enthusiasts from Austin rather than conservatives in "moderate" clothing.
And to channel NYT’s criticism and praise pairing, I will applaud Mr. Obama for bringing back the Bar Association’s ratings of Federal Court nominees to the nomination process. After emo-Bush’s feeling’s were hurt by the group they were banned from the process, and it’s nice to see them being brought back into the fold.
-Ginger
Monday, March 16
AIG bonus clusterfuck: why are we surprised/enraged?
Whah.
I'm so over everyone whining about AIG's abuse of bailout funds. I fail to comprehend why the Obama administration is so shocked and outraged by the insurance giant's latest stupid move, the operative word in this sentence being LATEST. Remember that one time the firm almost collapsed and we had to dump money into its coffers lest we usher in one of the twelve signs of the EconApocalypse? Remember that other time they blew through the initial bailout in .4 seconds and needed additional funds? Oh, and remember that one other time that AIG lost over $60 billion in the fourth quarter last year, which over $59 billion more than the total combined net worth of everyone you or I have probably ever known?
Obama came out of his bubble today looking like the fourth wife who's shocked that her husband wants to divorce her for yet another younger and hotter assistant. Did it never occur to ANYONE at Treasury to maybe ask AIG execs if they had any future "retention awards" planned when they got the latest dose of TARP funds? Did Obama's finance gurus really believe that the same people who slowly raped our economy over a period of years would instantly and compeltely learn their lessons?
The big losers here: Obama and every other melodramatic politician who is gnashing teeth and tearing out hair while having counsel look into "legal avenues" to rescind the bonuses. If they're still "looking into it," it means it can't happen. Your less intelligent American will fail to understand why the government invests in companies but then have no say in their behavior, and get pretty pissed. Your intelligent American has already realized that their political representives are too entrenched in the thinking that led to this entire mess in the first instance; they realize that this bonus mess is the government's fault, and are also getting pissed.
One would assume that it's probably time for Obama & Co. to reevaluate. When they are all done crying, anyways. ~Slim
I'm so over everyone whining about AIG's abuse of bailout funds. I fail to comprehend why the Obama administration is so shocked and outraged by the insurance giant's latest stupid move, the operative word in this sentence being LATEST. Remember that one time the firm almost collapsed and we had to dump money into its coffers lest we usher in one of the twelve signs of the EconApocalypse? Remember that other time they blew through the initial bailout in .4 seconds and needed additional funds? Oh, and remember that one other time that AIG lost over $60 billion in the fourth quarter last year, which over $59 billion more than the total combined net worth of everyone you or I have probably ever known?
Obama came out of his bubble today looking like the fourth wife who's shocked that her husband wants to divorce her for yet another younger and hotter assistant. Did it never occur to ANYONE at Treasury to maybe ask AIG execs if they had any future "retention awards" planned when they got the latest dose of TARP funds? Did Obama's finance gurus really believe that the same people who slowly raped our economy over a period of years would instantly and compeltely learn their lessons?
The big losers here: Obama and every other melodramatic politician who is gnashing teeth and tearing out hair while having counsel look into "legal avenues" to rescind the bonuses. If they're still "looking into it," it means it can't happen. Your less intelligent American will fail to understand why the government invests in companies but then have no say in their behavior, and get pretty pissed. Your intelligent American has already realized that their political representives are too entrenched in the thinking that led to this entire mess in the first instance; they realize that this bonus mess is the government's fault, and are also getting pissed.
One would assume that it's probably time for Obama & Co. to reevaluate. When they are all done crying, anyways. ~Slim
Sunday, March 15
Updates Soon
Sorry readers, for a multi-day lull in posting. We promise a post in the next 24 hours.
-Ginger
-Ginger
Tuesday, March 10
The Douche from Wisconsin's First, Isn't Wisconsin's First
Wisconsin wunderCongressman Paul Ryan (WI-01) was on Morning Joe today to discuss his plan to save America. He calls it “A Roadmap for America’s Future.” This plan offers a great lesson in American politics and policymaking and why sometimes no new ideas is better than stupid ones. For the past 7 weeks, since Barack Obama became President, the Republicans have earned the media nickname, “the party of NO!” They have rejected most of the President's large proposals, while offering nothing in response.
To counter this moniker, Congressman Ryan ran through another bottle of cheap hair gel and an aerosol canister of Aquanet and defibrillated his proposal from last May on how to save America. In it, of course, he offers the typical Republican policymaking meme of fellating Ronald Reagan’s corpse with a consistent chant for failed economic policy. One would think that given the changes in America’s economic situation, Congressman Ryan would adjust his proposal. NOPE! Such silly thoughts. These adjustments would occur in a rational political environment, but not in the vacuous abyss that is the GOP.
The best part of the proposal involves retirement plans. He regurgitated Bush’s plan of private retirement accounts, by allowing individuals to take 1/3 of their social security tax withholding to put into a private savings account that would allow their money to enjoy all of the benefits of the stock market. This proposal was introduced in May of 2008. On May 1, 2008, the Dow Jones Industrial Average closed at 13,010.00. This afternoon, the stock index closed at a booming 6,926.49—a loss of 47%. Ryan’s proposal would have the government ensure that you would at least make as much money as you would have, had you kept all of your money in Social Security. So, under the Ryan plan, the government would not receive a portion of individuals' Social Security taxes, but during a period of economic recession, the government would have to pay out an excess of money it did not receive in revenue.
That is grade A fiscal responsibility. Lower taxes so the government gets less money, but demand it pays out the same amount as before. I guess in the end, Paul Ryan is honoring the Gipper quite well: total fiscal irresponsibility with a total lack of sensibility. Sadly, Ryan can’t blame a deteriorating brain. And even if he could, he’s against research that might help revive his facilities. In the end, Wisconsin has another politician to put in the Political Hall of Fame. His bust can be placed right next to Joseph McCarthy's.
-Ginger
To counter this moniker, Congressman Ryan ran through another bottle of cheap hair gel and an aerosol canister of Aquanet and defibrillated his proposal from last May on how to save America. In it, of course, he offers the typical Republican policymaking meme of fellating Ronald Reagan’s corpse with a consistent chant for failed economic policy. One would think that given the changes in America’s economic situation, Congressman Ryan would adjust his proposal. NOPE! Such silly thoughts. These adjustments would occur in a rational political environment, but not in the vacuous abyss that is the GOP.
The best part of the proposal involves retirement plans. He regurgitated Bush’s plan of private retirement accounts, by allowing individuals to take 1/3 of their social security tax withholding to put into a private savings account that would allow their money to enjoy all of the benefits of the stock market. This proposal was introduced in May of 2008. On May 1, 2008, the Dow Jones Industrial Average closed at 13,010.00. This afternoon, the stock index closed at a booming 6,926.49—a loss of 47%. Ryan’s proposal would have the government ensure that you would at least make as much money as you would have, had you kept all of your money in Social Security. So, under the Ryan plan, the government would not receive a portion of individuals' Social Security taxes, but during a period of economic recession, the government would have to pay out an excess of money it did not receive in revenue.
That is grade A fiscal responsibility. Lower taxes so the government gets less money, but demand it pays out the same amount as before. I guess in the end, Paul Ryan is honoring the Gipper quite well: total fiscal irresponsibility with a total lack of sensibility. Sadly, Ryan can’t blame a deteriorating brain. And even if he could, he’s against research that might help revive his facilities. In the end, Wisconsin has another politician to put in the Political Hall of Fame. His bust can be placed right next to Joseph McCarthy's.
-Ginger
Monday, March 9
Oooh, a scrap for the lefty dogs
His Majesty lifted that idiotic Bush ban on federally funded embryonic stem cell research. Another yummy campaign promise fulfilled, albeit it at a politically advantageous time and clearly designed to distract the Kos bunch from any foot-dragging on health care, ending the war in Iraq...I'm sorry, I just saw a stem cell growing into a liver, it was so shiny...
Ladies of the Crazy Left, I know you've already scheduled an appointment with Planned Parenthood and are eying every progressive, sensitive indie scenester within sight (but note, those skintight jeans are probably reducing sperm count). You want to have a personal role in the curing of awful diseases like Alzheimer's and multiple sclerosis, and this is way easier than ceasing your disaffected preening in the mirror long enough to go to medical school.
Sassmouthiness aside, it sure feels good to hear a president talk about restoring "scientific integrity to government decision-making" and "protecting free and open inquiry." But something seems too easy...oh yeah, President Obama won't lobby Congress to repeal the Dickey-Wicker amendment. Apparently, following your professed confidence in science to its logical conclusion by providing federal dollars to extract stem cells from embryos in the first place is too difficult.
Candidate Obama presented the most even-keeled and rational defense of the pro-choice position of any Democratic candidate for ANYTHING that I have ever heard. It would be great if he could follow that up with a truly sensible pro-choice policy. We'll see what the administration does with this.
P.S. the President explicity condemned human cloning, so Obamaphiles, you're stuck with just one of him for the time being. Whah whah.
~Slim
Ladies of the Crazy Left, I know you've already scheduled an appointment with Planned Parenthood and are eying every progressive, sensitive indie scenester within sight (but note, those skintight jeans are probably reducing sperm count). You want to have a personal role in the curing of awful diseases like Alzheimer's and multiple sclerosis, and this is way easier than ceasing your disaffected preening in the mirror long enough to go to medical school.
Sassmouthiness aside, it sure feels good to hear a president talk about restoring "scientific integrity to government decision-making" and "protecting free and open inquiry." But something seems too easy...oh yeah, President Obama won't lobby Congress to repeal the Dickey-Wicker amendment. Apparently, following your professed confidence in science to its logical conclusion by providing federal dollars to extract stem cells from embryos in the first place is too difficult.
Candidate Obama presented the most even-keeled and rational defense of the pro-choice position of any Democratic candidate for ANYTHING that I have ever heard. It would be great if he could follow that up with a truly sensible pro-choice policy. We'll see what the administration does with this.
P.S. the President explicity condemned human cloning, so Obamaphiles, you're stuck with just one of him for the time being. Whah whah.
~Slim
Saturday, March 7
'Rush'-ing Into A Mess
Over the past couple of weeks, President Barack Obama's surrogates have been duking it out with radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh. Limbaugh, an overweight, conservative, pill addict with a microphone has been the voice of conservatism for quite some time. The President, through his handlers, has tried to label Rush the leader of the Republican Party as a way to discredit further a party in shambles. Rush has responded with vitriol and an offer to the President to appear on the radio show to debate the bloated windbag.
I agree that Rush Limbaugh is an absolute idiot in many ways, but you know what, like Ann Coulter, he is a brilliant man playing a market and earning tons and tons of money. The President should be above this fool's level and settle on performing such acts as being the leader of the free world, the leader of his party, and the voice of reason in policymaking. Instead, day after day he engages this meaningless dolt in the parlor games of politics. When will this President grow up? Cut the shit; fix the mess we're in; do your job! I voted for you, not to play tag with conservative radio hosts but to do a better job in creating policy and running this country than the last guy or your opponent. This nonsense is a let down.
All of this was capped off this week by a stupid email from the Democratic National Committee. Like most emails it was truly intended to raise money, but on the surface, it offered me the opportunity to submit a 10-word bit that could be put on billboards in Florida to call out Rush Limbaugh. Really? Is that what the party its spending money on? Is Rush that important and that much of a threat to Democats that you need to waste money on this? Rush was hired and syndicated to criticize Democrats, liberals and poorly behaving Republicans so as to gain a huge audience, sell ads, make money for himself, and most importantly the media conglomerate that pays him. He is doing the job he was hired to do, and damn well I may add. I wish the President would do the job he was hired to do, as well as Rush is filling his employment requirements. If he did, this country would probably be in a better place.
-Ginger
I agree that Rush Limbaugh is an absolute idiot in many ways, but you know what, like Ann Coulter, he is a brilliant man playing a market and earning tons and tons of money. The President should be above this fool's level and settle on performing such acts as being the leader of the free world, the leader of his party, and the voice of reason in policymaking. Instead, day after day he engages this meaningless dolt in the parlor games of politics. When will this President grow up? Cut the shit; fix the mess we're in; do your job! I voted for you, not to play tag with conservative radio hosts but to do a better job in creating policy and running this country than the last guy or your opponent. This nonsense is a let down.
All of this was capped off this week by a stupid email from the Democratic National Committee. Like most emails it was truly intended to raise money, but on the surface, it offered me the opportunity to submit a 10-word bit that could be put on billboards in Florida to call out Rush Limbaugh. Really? Is that what the party its spending money on? Is Rush that important and that much of a threat to Democats that you need to waste money on this? Rush was hired and syndicated to criticize Democrats, liberals and poorly behaving Republicans so as to gain a huge audience, sell ads, make money for himself, and most importantly the media conglomerate that pays him. He is doing the job he was hired to do, and damn well I may add. I wish the President would do the job he was hired to do, as well as Rush is filling his employment requirements. If he did, this country would probably be in a better place.
-Ginger
Friday, March 6
TN-Gov: Health Care Privileges
Yesterday in an MSNBC interview Tennessee Republican gubenatorial candidate, current US House member (TN-03), and everyone's favorite college dropout and coke fiend, Zach Wamp described what it is like to live in a bubble of conservatism. He explained that access to health care is a privilege in the United States. When pressed by a reporter about a hypothetical patient suffering from cancer, Wamp further explained that health care is a right for some people, but a privilege for most.
Wamp, a current recipient of government-provided (read: socialist, Marxist, communist, Soviet, traitor) health care as a Member of Congress, apparently has his own little red list of qualities and qualifications for who gets rights in this country and who does not. My guess is that in addition to his list of qualities for the right to health care he has similar lists for those who should be given the right of habeas corpus, freedom of speech and the like.
Apparently, if you are a former drunk and coke addict, but White, Southern Baptist and a Member of Congress getting your health care from the government is ok. However, if you're an unskilled worker earning minimum wage and have a sinus infection that is induced by something other than inhaling mile after of mile of Colombia's finest, you better not expect the government to subsidize your doctor's visit and prescription antibiotic...Commie.
-Ginger
Wamp, a current recipient of government-provided (read: socialist, Marxist, communist, Soviet, traitor) health care as a Member of Congress, apparently has his own little red list of qualities and qualifications for who gets rights in this country and who does not. My guess is that in addition to his list of qualities for the right to health care he has similar lists for those who should be given the right of habeas corpus, freedom of speech and the like.
Apparently, if you are a former drunk and coke addict, but White, Southern Baptist and a Member of Congress getting your health care from the government is ok. However, if you're an unskilled worker earning minimum wage and have a sinus infection that is induced by something other than inhaling mile after of mile of Colombia's finest, you better not expect the government to subsidize your doctor's visit and prescription antibiotic...Commie.
-Ginger
Thursday, March 5
Edwards Biproduct
Huffington Post is reporting that the banged up broad who John Edwards carried on a gag-worthy affair with celebrated her love-child's first birthday recently. Included is a photograph from the event. The child clearly looks like Edwards in the picture. Unfortunately, however, this cropped version of the photo hides some of the more important paternity-identifying features. For example, in the complete photograph you can see the baby emptying her diaper on a woman with cancer, while lacing up her little Nike Air-AmbulanceChasers.
The added income of the child has really helped Edwards' sperm bank, Rielle Hunter, continue to support a lifestyle that includes purchasing Bimbo-tastic Brand blonde hair dye six weeks after her roots start showing and sense of class that could only be exceeded by a Northern New Jersey prostiture passed out in a gutter with a cyringe dangling from between her toes. Meanwhile, Edwards lives the high life on his massive Everyman estate in (Michael) Jacksonian hiding with his balls conveniently being held in a vice owned by Elizabeth Edwards.
-Ginger
The added income of the child has really helped Edwards' sperm bank, Rielle Hunter, continue to support a lifestyle that includes purchasing Bimbo-tastic Brand blonde hair dye six weeks after her roots start showing and sense of class that could only be exceeded by a Northern New Jersey prostiture passed out in a gutter with a cyringe dangling from between her toes. Meanwhile, Edwards lives the high life on his massive Everyman estate in (Michael) Jacksonian hiding with his balls conveniently being held in a vice owned by Elizabeth Edwards.
-Ginger
Tuesday, March 3
Heckuvan Idea, Brownie
It was reported on NPR today that British Prime Minister, Gordon "Best-We-Can-Do" Brown, came up with a stellar idea to solve the world financial crisis. He describes a "Global New Deal" that will transform the worldwide financial system and protect against future economic problems. He proposed an international regulatory body that would monitor the actions of individual nations' financial systems in order to ensure that we don't encounter further greed, corruption, and misdeeds and that, as a result, the system is stabilized and protected.
Really, Gordon Brown? Is it really your idea to group all nations and put them under the control of a single, international regulatory body? Is it really in America's and everyone else's interest to do this? It must be a good idea to join an international economic community, like, for example, all of the nations of the European Union dropping their parochial monetary unit and adopting the Euro. It worked out really well for Britain when they adopted the Euro....Oh wait, that's right, that never happened. Britain didn't adopt the Euro because they didn't want to suffer the economic declines associated with the problems of other countries and they didn't want to give up their own soveriegnty. Apparently, however, the US should join this group because it's going to convenience dumbass Gordon. Meanwhile, he can prance around Britain and act like it's everyone else's fault, especially that of the United States, that Britain's financial sector is in the loo as well. Nice try Gordon, just wait on another one of your not-regularly-scheduled elections to be called and have your ass thrown out on the street like the common drunk that you are.
**UPDATE** World's least important economic actor, IMF chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn (also known as the Student Council Treasurer of the undeveloped world), backs the idea of a world financial institution solving this mess. Nice try to you, too, douche, we're not enhancing your institutional power, but we'll still cast 40% of the votes on "issues" that come before you.
-Ginger
Really, Gordon Brown? Is it really your idea to group all nations and put them under the control of a single, international regulatory body? Is it really in America's and everyone else's interest to do this? It must be a good idea to join an international economic community, like, for example, all of the nations of the European Union dropping their parochial monetary unit and adopting the Euro. It worked out really well for Britain when they adopted the Euro....Oh wait, that's right, that never happened. Britain didn't adopt the Euro because they didn't want to suffer the economic declines associated with the problems of other countries and they didn't want to give up their own soveriegnty. Apparently, however, the US should join this group because it's going to convenience dumbass Gordon. Meanwhile, he can prance around Britain and act like it's everyone else's fault, especially that of the United States, that Britain's financial sector is in the loo as well. Nice try Gordon, just wait on another one of your not-regularly-scheduled elections to be called and have your ass thrown out on the street like the common drunk that you are.
**UPDATE** World's least important economic actor, IMF chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn (also known as the Student Council Treasurer of the undeveloped world), backs the idea of a world financial institution solving this mess. Nice try to you, too, douche, we're not enhancing your institutional power, but we'll still cast 40% of the votes on "issues" that come before you.
-Ginger
Monday, March 2
It's that time of year...
...when Republican state legislators get down to the business of being as intolerant as possible.
Tennessee has no income tax. To paraphrase some Tennesseans I've heard discuss the subject: "Poor people don't pay no income taxes anyways, so why should we punish people who work hard?" Well, the actual consequence of no income tax is that the state is heavily dependent on sales tax revenue, so now that the economy blows, Tennessee is facing a $1 billion FY2009 budget shortfall. Stupid poor people.
You would think state lawmakers would be solely focused on resolving the impending financial doom. Instead, they are trying to prevent "unmarried couples" - i.e. those wily, contagious gays - from adopting neglected children desperately in need of loving homes. I guess sometimes you have to take the moral high ground, even if that means that the pool of available adoptive parents will shrink considerably, leaving more children in foster care...WHICH WILL FURTHER DRAIN STATE RESOURCES.
State Republicans are also working on such pressing issues as allowing permit holders to carry guns into state parks, constitutionally restricting abortion rights, and making life more difficult for Hispanic immigrants, illegal or not. I understand that this is the red meat their constituents yearn to feast upon, but even the most hardcore religious conservative will be furious if this nonsense results in his kids attending underfunded schools and his garbage festering on the tree lawn due to cut services.
~Slim
Tennessee has no income tax. To paraphrase some Tennesseans I've heard discuss the subject: "Poor people don't pay no income taxes anyways, so why should we punish people who work hard?" Well, the actual consequence of no income tax is that the state is heavily dependent on sales tax revenue, so now that the economy blows, Tennessee is facing a $1 billion FY2009 budget shortfall. Stupid poor people.
You would think state lawmakers would be solely focused on resolving the impending financial doom. Instead, they are trying to prevent "unmarried couples" - i.e. those wily, contagious gays - from adopting neglected children desperately in need of loving homes. I guess sometimes you have to take the moral high ground, even if that means that the pool of available adoptive parents will shrink considerably, leaving more children in foster care...WHICH WILL FURTHER DRAIN STATE RESOURCES.
State Republicans are also working on such pressing issues as allowing permit holders to carry guns into state parks, constitutionally restricting abortion rights, and making life more difficult for Hispanic immigrants, illegal or not. I understand that this is the red meat their constituents yearn to feast upon, but even the most hardcore religious conservative will be furious if this nonsense results in his kids attending underfunded schools and his garbage festering on the tree lawn due to cut services.
~Slim
Sunday, March 1
Louis Farrakhan, King of Hip
If President Obama's election represents the beginning of a post-racial America, I guess Calypso Louis didn't get that memo.
The Nation of Islam is still out there, ladies and gentleman, and it held its annual convention in Chicago this week. Apparently, rap stars lurrv him and Snoop Dogg donated $1,000 to the NOI...seriously dude, a grand? Did you blow your event budget on those sunglasses?
Flippancy aside, Slim is getting somewhere. Remember that one time Farrakhan praised Obama in an interview and his campaign took all of .02 seconds to make it crystal clear that they did not seek such an endorsement? Ouch, I mean, Jeremiah Wright and Farrakhan are certainly both senior VPs over at Foot In Mouth Corp., why the much hastier diss?
I suppose the black separatist undertones in the NOI...and that pesky faux Muslim thing...and all of those anti-Semitic and homophobic statemnts...well, Farrakhan has been considered toxic by black politicians trying to establish credibility in traditional power circles for a long time. But other African-American leaders with the aforementioned problems - sans the Muslim affiliation - have the benefit of Obama's benevolent approval.
Hmmm. If the President is serious about healing racial and religious divisions in America, maybe he could start with the NOI, which is smack in the epicenter of racial and religious intolerance. Farrakhan may be a total ass much of the time, but he is still taken seriously by many African-Americans because his efforts to better life for them are undeniable. Reaching out to African-Americans still unconvinced of the new rosy future would be a great way for Obama match action to rhetoric.
~Slim
The Nation of Islam is still out there, ladies and gentleman, and it held its annual convention in Chicago this week. Apparently, rap stars lurrv him and Snoop Dogg donated $1,000 to the NOI...seriously dude, a grand? Did you blow your event budget on those sunglasses?
Flippancy aside, Slim is getting somewhere. Remember that one time Farrakhan praised Obama in an interview and his campaign took all of .02 seconds to make it crystal clear that they did not seek such an endorsement? Ouch, I mean, Jeremiah Wright and Farrakhan are certainly both senior VPs over at Foot In Mouth Corp., why the much hastier diss?
I suppose the black separatist undertones in the NOI...and that pesky faux Muslim thing...and all of those anti-Semitic and homophobic statemnts...well, Farrakhan has been considered toxic by black politicians trying to establish credibility in traditional power circles for a long time. But other African-American leaders with the aforementioned problems - sans the Muslim affiliation - have the benefit of Obama's benevolent approval.
Hmmm. If the President is serious about healing racial and religious divisions in America, maybe he could start with the NOI, which is smack in the epicenter of racial and religious intolerance. Farrakhan may be a total ass much of the time, but he is still taken seriously by many African-Americans because his efforts to better life for them are undeniable. Reaching out to African-Americans still unconvinced of the new rosy future would be a great way for Obama match action to rhetoric.
~Slim
Saturday, February 28
CPAC, See Pac Run
This week, the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) held its annual summit. This meeting is a unique social experience. It combines people who spew society-wide hatred, blind support for their leaders (though this is not unique to conservatives), and an existence in an alternative universe.
In that universe, the Republican Party holds a majority in Congress and the Presidency, God has returned to Earth to amend the Constitution to outlaw abortion and record keeping of gun ownership. Everyone is white and Protestant and their infidelities with other women and children are acceptable. In this Republican fantasyland, only 3% of the population can afford health insurance, which is no worry because major illness was eliminated with gays and minorities. Most importantly, in this world conservatives MATTER!
This convention was a clearinghouse for old, white men to discuss political ideas that were relevant 30 years ago. Sad, pathetic have-beens were riled to action by an unlicensed plumber, an overweight pill addict, and an indicted former exterminator. This menagerie of misguidance drew as much public interest as a New Radicals Reunion Tour--the only difference is that the Reunion Tour would attract members of the 18-25 year old demographic.
Despite all this, I'm looking forward to next year's convention where I hear they will debate whether the world is flat and hold a roundtable on the best way to transform quartz into gold. If interested, admission will be $17,500 and is only open to heterosexual males with the correct ridges in their skulls.
-Ginger
In that universe, the Republican Party holds a majority in Congress and the Presidency, God has returned to Earth to amend the Constitution to outlaw abortion and record keeping of gun ownership. Everyone is white and Protestant and their infidelities with other women and children are acceptable. In this Republican fantasyland, only 3% of the population can afford health insurance, which is no worry because major illness was eliminated with gays and minorities. Most importantly, in this world conservatives MATTER!
This convention was a clearinghouse for old, white men to discuss political ideas that were relevant 30 years ago. Sad, pathetic have-beens were riled to action by an unlicensed plumber, an overweight pill addict, and an indicted former exterminator. This menagerie of misguidance drew as much public interest as a New Radicals Reunion Tour--the only difference is that the Reunion Tour would attract members of the 18-25 year old demographic.
Despite all this, I'm looking forward to next year's convention where I hear they will debate whether the world is flat and hold a roundtable on the best way to transform quartz into gold. If interested, admission will be $17,500 and is only open to heterosexual males with the correct ridges in their skulls.
-Ginger
Friday, February 27
Hope, Change, Iraq
Phew….I’m glad the war is over. I’m also glad that bitch Hillary Clinton didn’t get elected President or we would have had a ton of troops in Iraq for a long, long time. And thankfully, this new policy is strongly endorsed by Congressional Leaders like Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi and with friendly members of the media like Rachel Maddow…Oh wait...
In all seriousness though, the President’s plan is seeing some ringing endorsements like that of John McCain. That’s right McCain voters, you thought losing the campaign was going to mean a terrible policy on the war, luckily for you that didn’t pan out. Also, for the families of the 50,000 troops who will have to stay in Iraq, rest assured that your sons and daughters get a new label "non-combat troops." YAY! Everyone wins....
-Ginger
In all seriousness though, the President’s plan is seeing some ringing endorsements like that of John McCain. That’s right McCain voters, you thought losing the campaign was going to mean a terrible policy on the war, luckily for you that didn’t pan out. Also, for the families of the 50,000 troops who will have to stay in Iraq, rest assured that your sons and daughters get a new label "non-combat troops." YAY! Everyone wins....
-Ginger
Thursday, February 26
Byrdened by Power
United States Senator Robert Byrd criticized the Obama administration this week for a supposed policy power grab. Byrd, who was denied service in the Civil War because of his advanced age, argued that Obama’s move to institute policy czars amounted to the transfer of power from Congress to the Executive. (My guess is that Byrd is against czars based on personal experience, as his own life began during the Russian Revolution [literally].)
Byrd’s irritation with the President is really an argument over institutional power. The President wants to streamline the process (as most presidents euphemistically do). In addition, Obama has likely considered the melting pot of horrors that is the membership of the United States Senate and would rather trust the creation of important policy to his yet unfinished cabinet rather than to the yet unfinished Senate.
Why you may ask?
Here is a run down of some of the Senate’s superstar committee chairman and some of their finest accomplishments:
Robert Byrd (formerly chairman of Appropriations): He lost his chairmanship because the Majority Leader wanted it filled by someone younger, and chose the spry and chipper, 85 year old Daniel Inouye (HI). Byrd’s highlights include KKK membership and bilking the American taxpayer so a shithole like West Virginia can have an infrastructure that rivals the Jetsons.
Joseph Lieberman (CT-Homeland Security): Droopy Dog with an Iraq War cheerleader’s uniform on, Lieberman labeled Obama a socialist, while changing the battery out on John McCain’s campaign trail Power Scooter.
Carl Levin (MI-Armed Services): A true leader and huge supporter of his home town auto industry. If policy from the Senate will be anywhere near as successful as the productive capacity of General Motors, start hoarding your canned goods and oil lamps now.
Tom Harkin (IA-Agriculture): Tom has ensured that multi-billion dollar corn conglomerates owned by General Mills and Kellogg Corp. get billions of dollars in farm subsidies every year, just to ensure that they can cut it in the struggling agro-grain sector of the American economy. Remember: agriculture conglomerates need all of our help to get by, but if you’re a queer don’t you dare think of getting married…Work on a farm for six months it’ll put some hair on your perfectly waxed chest.
Mary Landrieu (LA-Small Business): The GOP’s second favorite Democrat. Landrieu is like an ugly girl at a frat party. She’s typically wearing clothes from 10 or 15 years ago and if you wave a little money in front of her or if Mitch McConnell whispers “I Love You” into her ear, she will do anything for you…ANYTHING. Her vote-casting sluttiness would make a Mardi Gras prostitute in the early stages of meth withdrawal blush.
-Ginger
Byrd’s irritation with the President is really an argument over institutional power. The President wants to streamline the process (as most presidents euphemistically do). In addition, Obama has likely considered the melting pot of horrors that is the membership of the United States Senate and would rather trust the creation of important policy to his yet unfinished cabinet rather than to the yet unfinished Senate.
Why you may ask?
Here is a run down of some of the Senate’s superstar committee chairman and some of their finest accomplishments:
Robert Byrd (formerly chairman of Appropriations): He lost his chairmanship because the Majority Leader wanted it filled by someone younger, and chose the spry and chipper, 85 year old Daniel Inouye (HI). Byrd’s highlights include KKK membership and bilking the American taxpayer so a shithole like West Virginia can have an infrastructure that rivals the Jetsons.
Joseph Lieberman (CT-Homeland Security): Droopy Dog with an Iraq War cheerleader’s uniform on, Lieberman labeled Obama a socialist, while changing the battery out on John McCain’s campaign trail Power Scooter.
Carl Levin (MI-Armed Services): A true leader and huge supporter of his home town auto industry. If policy from the Senate will be anywhere near as successful as the productive capacity of General Motors, start hoarding your canned goods and oil lamps now.
Tom Harkin (IA-Agriculture): Tom has ensured that multi-billion dollar corn conglomerates owned by General Mills and Kellogg Corp. get billions of dollars in farm subsidies every year, just to ensure that they can cut it in the struggling agro-grain sector of the American economy. Remember: agriculture conglomerates need all of our help to get by, but if you’re a queer don’t you dare think of getting married…Work on a farm for six months it’ll put some hair on your perfectly waxed chest.
Mary Landrieu (LA-Small Business): The GOP’s second favorite Democrat. Landrieu is like an ugly girl at a frat party. She’s typically wearing clothes from 10 or 15 years ago and if you wave a little money in front of her or if Mitch McConnell whispers “I Love You” into her ear, she will do anything for you…ANYTHING. Her vote-casting sluttiness would make a Mardi Gras prostitute in the early stages of meth withdrawal blush.
-Ginger
Wednesday, February 25
Rachel and Nancy: The "Who's More Liberal?" Faceoff
Last night, I was not impressed by Miz Speaker's cheerleading clapping, creepy fresh Botox job, or outfit (though it was nice of her to recycle an old uniform of Chairman Mao's that got stained when subjected to a warm wash cycle with a yellow towel).
But tonight, I was impressed with her interview with Rachel Maddow. Rachel employed her usual interview tactic: "I love you because you're liberal, but I'm uber-liberal, so here are my tough and sassy questions." Unfortunately for Rach, it wasn't the Laverne & Shirley "we're gonna make it after all" lovefest she had probably wanted.
Nancy - who thanks to Botox has an identical number of wrinkles as her much younger interviewer - wasn't having any of Rachel's blend of idol worship and progressive sass. She made it crystal clear that she wants to crucify Bush administration officials for abuse of prisoners WAY MORE than Rach does, that she has been fighting for universal health care before Rach even knew she loved vagina, and that any recent House Republican media grandstanding cannot compensate for the institutional obscurity she has imposed upon them.
Nancy's a big tease for Obama - trying to crawl up his ass during the address to Congress one night only to allude that his rumored Iraq plan is unacceptable the next. I loathe and begrudgingly admire it at the same time. Though she's often ineffective in practice and many times outmaneuvered by dastardly Republicans, she scores points for consistently sticking with the big left ideas - holding Bushies accountable, REALLY ending the war, and generally making America a little less shitty for the lowest common denominator in our society.
Of course, her faults are easier to forgive with Harry Reid as Majority Leader, but more on that later.
~Slim
But tonight, I was impressed with her interview with Rachel Maddow. Rachel employed her usual interview tactic: "I love you because you're liberal, but I'm uber-liberal, so here are my tough and sassy questions." Unfortunately for Rach, it wasn't the Laverne & Shirley "we're gonna make it after all" lovefest she had probably wanted.
Nancy - who thanks to Botox has an identical number of wrinkles as her much younger interviewer - wasn't having any of Rachel's blend of idol worship and progressive sass. She made it crystal clear that she wants to crucify Bush administration officials for abuse of prisoners WAY MORE than Rach does, that she has been fighting for universal health care before Rach even knew she loved vagina, and that any recent House Republican media grandstanding cannot compensate for the institutional obscurity she has imposed upon them.
Nancy's a big tease for Obama - trying to crawl up his ass during the address to Congress one night only to allude that his rumored Iraq plan is unacceptable the next. I loathe and begrudgingly admire it at the same time. Though she's often ineffective in practice and many times outmaneuvered by dastardly Republicans, she scores points for consistently sticking with the big left ideas - holding Bushies accountable, REALLY ending the war, and generally making America a little less shitty for the lowest common denominator in our society.
Of course, her faults are easier to forgive with Harry Reid as Majority Leader, but more on that later.
~Slim
Catholic Indoctrination: The Gift that Keeps on Giving
Nothing starts off Lent like some good old fashioned self-reflection. For the Protestants, et al, Lent is a 40-day Catholic season that runs from Ash Wednesday to Holy Saturday and represents the guiltiest time of the year. As if the Church weren’t trying during other Holy seasons or even during Ordinary Time, you’re supposed to abstain from all the fun things in life: sex, liquefied merriment, etc.
Beyond this part, and as is true of most of the faith, there are also a ton more regulations. Chief among them, you need to give up an indulgence for the Lenten season. For example, I can’t give up domestic violence, driving a BMW, or running the Commerce Department because I don’t normally do those things (though if I wait long enough, I think I may get a shot at Commerce after enough withdrawals). So, I would have to give up Subway, Fiber One Bars, or Starbucks (the things that keep me going).
Additionally, (insert black and white photo of nun savagely beating heretics with a yardstick before a chalkboard and portrait of current President Warren Harding) Catholics cannot eat meat on Ash Wednesday nor on any Friday during Lent. What I bring you this mini-Catechism lesson for is to explicate the power of the Catholic Church.
I haven’t been to Church for anything other than a funeral since the last Pope died, and before that it was Good Friday a half a decade ago. Despite being a lax Catholic and sinning all the way to the bank, whenever Lent comes around, I have a hard time not following these rules. I often wonder why. True, I am a fan of pomp and circumstance, but if that were the case my ass would be in a pew every day of the week, Lent or not. I’m also not one of the lax Catholics who tries to show his colors when the time is right like grabbing a candle for Midnight Mass at Christmas or displaying the ultimate “I’m Catholic and you’re not” advertisement—the ashen forehead on this holiday.
Instead, I say it’s left over, authoritarian indoctrination that once a year rears its head and ensures that I feel guilty enough about enough of things that I put down the burger and pick up pasta on those few days before Easter. (I should add, I feel that my hatred of fish makes Lent a period of martyrdom for me every year, as well.) So, I raise a glass (so long as it is not wine, beer, or beef bouillon and toast the most effective top-down, rule-bound organization in the history of the World. Sure, Benedict, I’m not going to Church much anymore, but damn it darn it, you must be doing something right.
-Ginger
Beyond this part, and as is true of most of the faith, there are also a ton more regulations. Chief among them, you need to give up an indulgence for the Lenten season. For example, I can’t give up domestic violence, driving a BMW, or running the Commerce Department because I don’t normally do those things (though if I wait long enough, I think I may get a shot at Commerce after enough withdrawals). So, I would have to give up Subway, Fiber One Bars, or Starbucks (the things that keep me going).
Additionally, (insert black and white photo of nun savagely beating heretics with a yardstick before a chalkboard and portrait of current President Warren Harding) Catholics cannot eat meat on Ash Wednesday nor on any Friday during Lent. What I bring you this mini-Catechism lesson for is to explicate the power of the Catholic Church.
I haven’t been to Church for anything other than a funeral since the last Pope died, and before that it was Good Friday a half a decade ago. Despite being a lax Catholic and sinning all the way to the bank, whenever Lent comes around, I have a hard time not following these rules. I often wonder why. True, I am a fan of pomp and circumstance, but if that were the case my ass would be in a pew every day of the week, Lent or not. I’m also not one of the lax Catholics who tries to show his colors when the time is right like grabbing a candle for Midnight Mass at Christmas or displaying the ultimate “I’m Catholic and you’re not” advertisement—the ashen forehead on this holiday.
Instead, I say it’s left over, authoritarian indoctrination that once a year rears its head and ensures that I feel guilty enough about enough of things that I put down the burger and pick up pasta on those few days before Easter. (I should add, I feel that my hatred of fish makes Lent a period of martyrdom for me every year, as well.) So, I raise a glass (so long as it is not wine, beer, or beef bouillon and toast the most effective top-down, rule-bound organization in the history of the World. Sure, Benedict, I’m not going to Church much anymore, but damn it darn it, you must be doing something right.
-Ginger
Tuesday, February 24
Bobby Jindal, Voice from the Grave
While news commentators spoke of the certain irony in the Governor of Louisiana invoking the evils of government spending, of corruption, and the massive failures during Katrina to rouse people to the Republican cause, I need to address a few more pressing and ridiculous issues that came to light during the Response from the Plantation House.
If you could look beyond the cotton crop, over the slave quarters, around the "Colored" restrooms, and past the ol' hangin' tree, you would see the Louisiana exeuctive mansion. I expected to find inside the aforementioned Governor Bobby Jindal (R-SelfPromotion). Instead, I found something else quite remarkable. Apparently, Mr. Rogers' corpse rose up and raped a ventriloquists' doll to produce a love child with a voice that combined condescension, creepiness, and cartoonesque cadence.
As if you could possibly take seriously a man who sounded like the narrator from a Hans Christian Andersen story filling in for the 1930s newsreel voiceover who came down with the consumption, he had something of "substance" to say. He spoke from the heart about what all Louisianans believe was the great "scourge." A functioning judicial system? Nope. Prohibition? Nope. Oil Revenue Taxes? Nope. Slavery? Yes. Wait... Yessirrey, he labeled slavery a scourge, immediately making his reelection bid more competitive.
Unfortunately, all of the state's life-sized cardboard cutouts of the Gipper washed away when Katrina tried to punish the gays in New Orleans. So, Governor Jindal had to rely on a more veiled reference to Reagan, invoking the "Soviet menace." Seriously? Soviets were the only threat you could think of? Is this 1961? I guess when you're complaining about taxes being too high and government spending being out of control, the most reasoned approach is to reference the Cold War, a time when budgets were balanced and government programs were logical, efficient, productive and never wasteful. Oh wait....
Apparently, you need no training in history (high school or college) to qualify for a Rhodes Scholarship, a seat in the U.S. Congress, and the occupancy of Louisiana's governor's mansion. But then again, history books are still useful. Something has to kindle the fire under the (not so) ol' hangin' tree....
-Ginger
If you could look beyond the cotton crop, over the slave quarters, around the "Colored" restrooms, and past the ol' hangin' tree, you would see the Louisiana exeuctive mansion. I expected to find inside the aforementioned Governor Bobby Jindal (R-SelfPromotion). Instead, I found something else quite remarkable. Apparently, Mr. Rogers' corpse rose up and raped a ventriloquists' doll to produce a love child with a voice that combined condescension, creepiness, and cartoonesque cadence.
As if you could possibly take seriously a man who sounded like the narrator from a Hans Christian Andersen story filling in for the 1930s newsreel voiceover who came down with the consumption, he had something of "substance" to say. He spoke from the heart about what all Louisianans believe was the great "scourge." A functioning judicial system? Nope. Prohibition? Nope. Oil Revenue Taxes? Nope. Slavery? Yes. Wait... Yessirrey, he labeled slavery a scourge, immediately making his reelection bid more competitive.
Unfortunately, all of the state's life-sized cardboard cutouts of the Gipper washed away when Katrina tried to punish the gays in New Orleans. So, Governor Jindal had to rely on a more veiled reference to Reagan, invoking the "Soviet menace." Seriously? Soviets were the only threat you could think of? Is this 1961? I guess when you're complaining about taxes being too high and government spending being out of control, the most reasoned approach is to reference the Cold War, a time when budgets were balanced and government programs were logical, efficient, productive and never wasteful. Oh wait....
Apparently, you need no training in history (high school or college) to qualify for a Rhodes Scholarship, a seat in the U.S. Congress, and the occupancy of Louisiana's governor's mansion. But then again, history books are still useful. Something has to kindle the fire under the (not so) ol' hangin' tree....
-Ginger
Obama to Address Congress
Though not an official State of the Union Address, President Barack Obama will offer a "Budget Address" to a joint session of Congress this evening (9PM EST). These addresses tend be a bit belabored, but you should expect some good quotes. President Obama's speechwriter, Jon Favreau, is quite talented, and this is the biggest speech of his career, thus far. I'm sure he'll make it a doozy. Below is a list of 5 points of interest to watch for.
1) How many members of the United States Supreme Court attend? Does Ruth Bader Ginsburg attend having just returned to the Court after cancer surgery? Does Jim Bunning throw a breaking ball at her head in a weak attempt to fulfill yesterday's prophecy?
2) Does Ted Kennedy return to Washington, DC, for the speech, given his recent health troubles? Does Bunning try to take him out as well for posterity?
3) Watch House Republicans sneer at Obama's recommendations for budget increases for specific programs. If your hometown Republican Member of Congress or Senator seems a bit portlier than normal, resist sending them the South Beach Diet cookbook. Their jackets are simply lined with stimulus money, and objects in denial are smaller than they appear. On a related note, place wagers with your friends as to who will win the spray tan-off: House Minority Leader, John Boehner, or Minority Whip, Eric Cantor.
4) Notice how often the new President pronounces words like "nuclear" properly, then quickly straighten all the pictures on your walls, as a nation's sigh of relief registers on the Richter scale.
5) For the first time in history, we will see an African-American, a woman, and two Catholics all on the podium during an address to Congress. Watch to see if Vice President Joe Biden does something ridiculous like throw a bottle of Jameson at the Joint Chiefs and take part of the stimulus money to "make it rain" for Nancy Pelosi.
Anyways, enjoy the speech; I'm sure we'll have much to say tomorrow.
-Ginger
1) How many members of the United States Supreme Court attend? Does Ruth Bader Ginsburg attend having just returned to the Court after cancer surgery? Does Jim Bunning throw a breaking ball at her head in a weak attempt to fulfill yesterday's prophecy?
2) Does Ted Kennedy return to Washington, DC, for the speech, given his recent health troubles? Does Bunning try to take him out as well for posterity?
3) Watch House Republicans sneer at Obama's recommendations for budget increases for specific programs. If your hometown Republican Member of Congress or Senator seems a bit portlier than normal, resist sending them the South Beach Diet cookbook. Their jackets are simply lined with stimulus money, and objects in denial are smaller than they appear. On a related note, place wagers with your friends as to who will win the spray tan-off: House Minority Leader, John Boehner, or Minority Whip, Eric Cantor.
4) Notice how often the new President pronounces words like "nuclear" properly, then quickly straighten all the pictures on your walls, as a nation's sigh of relief registers on the Richter scale.
5) For the first time in history, we will see an African-American, a woman, and two Catholics all on the podium during an address to Congress. Watch to see if Vice President Joe Biden does something ridiculous like throw a bottle of Jameson at the Joint Chiefs and take part of the stimulus money to "make it rain" for Nancy Pelosi.
Anyways, enjoy the speech; I'm sure we'll have much to say tomorrow.
-Ginger
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